𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑

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Do Not Disturb, by Drake
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MONTREAL, CANADA

" WATCHU THINK THEY TALKIN BOUT? They been in dat room fa a while now," Mateo inquired, squinting his eyes suspiciously as Jonathan handed him his sprite.

" Girl stuff, I guess," I shrugged, leaning against the railings with my arms crossed in front of me. It was a beautiful day outside, with the afternoon sun beaming down gloriously upon the trees with clear blue skies in the horizon.

Jonathan scrunched up his nose, mean mugging Mateo soon after. " And why the fuck you wanna know so bad?"

" Needa know if Nneka fat head ass talkin shi," Mateo mumbled, taking a sip of his drink as he sat down beside Jonathan on the patio chairs.

" Mmm." I hummed, my gaze lowering to the ground in deep thought.

After what happened this morning, my thoughts we're permanently engraved with Selah . The way her eyes sparkled with pleasure, the subtle way her lips fell open as she reached her high, the way my name rolled off her tongue like a dream come true.

However, the last thing I wanted was for her to feel like
I was using her for my own selfish reasons. that's not something I would ever want to do. That's something I would never even dream to do. My only fear right now is that she sees what I've done in a negative way. That's not what I want.

It begs the question as to why I haven't asked her to be my girlfriend, and why I haven't had the courage to do it when I know just how deeply and sincerely I feel for her. To be honest, I don't know what's stopping me. It couldn't be the guilt of her being my best friend's sister, or how long it's taken us to reconnect after so much time apart. I don't know, and it's pissing me off that I don't know.

She's everything I've wanted and more; she's my one true love. the reason I even believe in love. I can't see myself with anyone but her. I don't want her to be with anyone but me.

Was it hesitation? Was it just me being afraid? Was it because of Joey? I still can't answer these questions. I still don't have a reasonable answer, because all the reasons in my head are probably just stupid.

I shouldn't be conflicted. I shouldn't have to battle between my heart and my mind, but that's exactly what I'm doing. Deep down, I know for a fact that I want to love and cherish Selah in every way,shape or form. but there's my fears. the biggest fears I've had since Joey's death.

If I were to make her mine, would I betray Joey's trust? would he even be happy for us, even as he smiles down from up above? would Selah feel the same? Would she leave me again? It's these fears that I worry about. these fears that have kept me from doing what I've wanted to do in the last five years.

𝐓𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐄𝐱𝐨𝐝𝐮𝐬|𝟏𝟖+ ( ON HOLD)Where stories live. Discover now