Things I wish I've kept

The knife

All my life I've been scared
of the knife.

Not the one you can hold,
god no,
but the one you can feel in your soul.

The one that is controlled with words.

I was so scared of it,
that I became the best in it.

All my talking made a sence,
but I wasn't saying anything at best.

It was all just bluffing.

I was so scared of being hurt
I didn't realise I was hurting.

Sadly, not only myself.

I made holes in people's chests
with nothing more than a word.

My words were strong,
but they were strong weapons
I could not control.

I thought that I was the victim,
I was the weak.

I was like a virgin
with a lip already bit.

I was like a right handed soldier
with a wound in my left hand.

I was like a crying child
with a throat so sore
I could not scream for a friend.

I was like a prisoner
in their own builded cage.

I was like a queen,
but without the rage.

I was like a locked bird
but in a castle full of light.

I was like a murderer
screaming for their life.

I used words without a thought.

I crushed people without a stop.

I thought that it made me something,
even throught
it made me less than nothing...

And maybe if I looked a little closer.

And maybe if I noticed more.

I would've seen the scars
that I have left in people's souls.

And maybe if I looked a little closer.

And maybe if I noticed more.

I would've seen that
I was the monster,
that I've been scared from all along.