nemesism // spencer reid angst

concrete jungle

Spencer couldn't believe that they were here. If someone had told him a year ago that he would be sitting next to his boyfriend as a psychiatrist explained his suicidality to him, he would have laughed in their face. But now... now it was a cold, hard reality.

"And you think I shouldn't put him in the care of a hospital?" Derek asked, dumbfounded.

"No, I don't. I believe that doing so would only hinder the progress we've made so far. Because he is living with someone he trusts and who knows what he's going through, I feel as though he will be safe enough to be at home. I won't lie, it will be a lot of work. You may even want to get help from a mutual close friend as well. It's a lot to put onto you, but if you're up for it, I think it would help Spencer exponentially." Arthur explained his reasoning.

"I see. That makes sense." Derek shifted, turning to face Spencer. "Can I call Hotch later?"

"No." Spencer replied promptly, shook his head, and raised his palms to cover his face.

"Spence. I'm going to need someone else there sometimes, and so will you. Please-"

"I said no." His voice was muffled behind his hands, but the venom in the words came through evidently.

"Okay, Spencer, Derek. Let's take a step back and address this." Arthur stopped them from continuing their back-and-forth. "Spencer, do you trust Hotch?"

"...Yeah." Spencer answered hesitantly, unsure of where he was going.

"Derek, do you?"

"Of course." Derek replied confidently.

"Spencer, Hotch has already helped in situations regarding your mental health, correct?" Arthur questioned.

"Yes, he has." Instead of covering his entire face, he had resorted to pushing the heels of his palms into his eyes in an attempt to calm the storm behind them.

"So then what is your concern with him being a part of it again? Did he do something to make you uncomfortable, or maybe something that he didn't do that he could have?"

"No. He was fine. I just don't need an extra supervisor. Or the first one, either, while we're talking about it." Spencer mumbled. He removed his hands from his eyes, immediately squinting at the bright lights assaulting them. Fists curled tight in his lap as the fire deep in his belly licked at his throat, threatening to send him aflame from inside out.

"Yes you do. You know very well that that is exactly what you need, Spencer. So why are you fighting it so hard when just last week you were fairly okay with accepting help?" Arthur tilted his head slightly to the side.

"Because I don't want it. I want to be left the fuck alone. Is there anything wrong with that?" Spencer spat. "I've spent so long being constantly monitored and I'm sick of it! I'm an adult and can handle myself. And if I couldn't, I'd solve the problem."