Saving Tally (last Book 6) Jacobs Broken Mercenaries

chapter 11

Tally

My forgiveness? He might as well ask me to pull Mica out of a hat. It would be easier to fathom. I’m still trying to stomach the fact I’m attracted to him and deal with the betrayal I’ve made to Jace; allowing Lucifer to touch me that way?
That was the most intense orgasm I’ve had in my life, and if I had to admit it. I loved every minute. How could I be so evil? Even now, the thought of his hands on me gives me an excited thrill. I’m nearly giddy. It’s as if my hormones are two completely separate being from my brain with my heart stuck somewhere in the middle. 
My body craves him and responds to everything about him. My brain tells me he’s evil and I’m wrong. My heart feels for him and his position, but also morns Jace. I’m torn in so many ways I’m surprised I don’t just come apart like I’m lost in space and have just suffered a tear in my suit.
“What are you thinking about?” Lucifer asks in a low, soft tone. He looks so hopeful, exposed. 
“You.” I tell him, being truthful. I think we’re beyond head games by now. Besides, the only thing they’ve managed to do is confuse me. 
“Damn it, woman! I can see your hatred! If I could change things, I would. I’d take it all back. Find another way out of this curse.”
Curse? What is he talking about? 
“Yeah.  I was selfish, and I never thought things through, but I’m changing. I can feel it.”
I wish I believed that.
“You don’t believe me. That’s fair, I wouldn’t believe me either. After all, I’ve done nothing but break every moral code known to man since you’ve met me. It doesn’t matter what I say, the damage is done. If you can forgive my past, I can change the future.”
I look into his eyes, trying to see the good in him, but it’s like looking through beer goggles. I can’t tell what’s what.
“Do this for me without asking anything in return. Then we’ll see.” I tell him, even though I know it’s not enough. He will never be able to wash his hands clean of Jace’s blood. At least in my eyes. 
“Very well, Tallisa. If I can get free of this place. I will do everything in my power to save your world.”
I’ll hold him to that. Though I’m not sure what good it will do. They’re only words. Lucifer pushes me out and ushers me inside. I don’t say anything until he walks back out. 
“Where are you going?”
He turns around, looking half annoyed and half pleased. 
“I can’t leave, and I need to bring wrath here so you can talk to him.”
As if that cleared anything up. I’m even more confused.  Lucifer sighs before explaining further.
“I’m going to see a witch.”
Ah, that makes sense. Then it dawns on me. That’s how he got that horrible potion to poison me into some kind of wanton animal.
“And that is why I didn’t want to explain.” 
I realize I’m scowling and force myself to say:
“Water under the bridge.”
My words come out choppy, and my tone bounces around like a basketball. He’d have to be brain dead to believe me. Of course, he says nothing. Just walks away blending into the night.
I have more time for myself than I know what to do with. It’s funny. That’s what I wanted, but now that I have it. I could do without.  All I can think about is Lucifer and how he made me feel. God’s! Even the way he says my name is seductive. 
This massive cloud of guilt builds over my head. As I add selfish to my list of flaws. With everything going on out there. I’m sitting comfortably, mooning over the man who killed my friend. 
Friend? Oh my gods! Even my internal monolog has made the distinction clear.
Okay. So, me and Jace didn’t exactly have a thing, but it was blossoming and could have become something.  Eventually.  Maybe.  I’ll admit Lucifer has definitely made his feelings for me clear and he’s much older than Jace, but maybe Jace was just a gentleman, and it had nothing to do with age. Or I was just a friend. Maybe even like a little sister to him. Why do I feel like I hit the nail on the head?
It’s too quiet here. I don’t enjoy being alone anymore. It makes my thoughts way too loud.
I leave in search of Ozar but quickly ease my door closed and peek out. I see a young woman exit Lucifer’s room. She’s slight but taller than me. Her long, dark brown hair is piled on top of her head. A bazillion things surface in my mind at once. Some normal, others frightening.  In a matter of seconds, I figure out she’s the mysterious maid.
“Hey... Hey!” She's either deaf or ignoring me. I chase her down the hallway as she begins to pick up speed. 
“Wait up.” I yell. She breaks into a full-out run. What is her problem?
“I’m talking to you!” I grate with frustration, placing my hand on her shoulder. She stands still as stone. I walk around her to see her face and gasp. She’s young. Very young. Maybe fourteen, and that’s being generous, but it’s not what made me gasp. She’s missing half her lip, and her jaw is caved in. They’re old injuries, but horrific ones.
“Did he do this to you?” I ask in horror of the answer. I think I’m about to be sick. She shakes her head vigorously, and a tear slips down her cheek. When the girl starts gesturing with her hands, I realize her tongue is missing as well. I swallow my reaction, not wanting to upset her further.
I shrug my shoulders and shake my head. I’ve got no clue what she’s saying. The girl sets the sheets she’s carrying down and holds a finger up. 
“Is there a pen and some paper around? Can you write?” I ask. She rolls her hands as if molding an invisible ball. Just when I start to think she may be slightly slow, a cloud of smoke appears between her palms, freaking me out. She eases the cloud in the air, and images appear. I watch, engrossed by the beautiful girl in the scene. Then I realize the girl is her. She’s showing me her past.
She’s with a boy and looks to be about the same age now. They’re whispering to each other, giggling, their heads pushed close together.
I smile. They’re obviously in love. A blonde scantily dressed girl a year or two older appears. The boy seems to be distracted by the hussy, and she shows me an image of anger.
So, she lost her boyfriend to a hoe? I look down at the little maid questioningly as she looks back up at the cloud of smoke. There’s more. She’s showing herself doing some kind of spell? That must be it.
A massive shadow swallows the blonde headed bimbo, and the shade comes for the little maid as well. All of a sudden, it clicks.
“You’re dead?” I exclaim with wide eyes.
She nods, showing me more. She was sent here and given form. She’s running through the lands, and something is chasing her. I don’t know what it is, but it’s big. I can feel her fear. Closing my eyes tight, I look away, unable to witness the events that led to her present state. The last thing I see is Lucifer killing the creature.
He didn’t do it? He saved her! I scowl, suddenly feeling guilty for my quick judgment. Did I do the same in Jace’s case?
“What’s your name?” I ask.
She points to her hair at a small pink rose by her ear.
“Rose?” 
She nods, smiling.
“Nice to meet you, Rose.” 
I smile back at her.
“Do you know my name?”
She nods. When there’s nothing left to say because we’re both awkward, she picks up the sheets and shrugs. I don’t want to be alone, but I can tell this is already a lot for her... and me.
“If you ever want company, I’m here.” I offer. Rose nods again, smiling, and takes off down the hall. 
Something about the knowledge Lucifer would help anyone bothers me. It feels out of character. But what do I really know about his character? Only what I assume.
When I get to the kitchen, Ozar is nowhere to be found. I think of searching rooms, but if Lucifer comes back and finds us together in a room, as innocent as it may be. Ozar would be fired at best, and dead is a strong possibility. 
This place sucks! I never thought I’d complain about being alone. Normally, I hate company. Right now I’m desperate enough,  I’d take one of those stupid girl days with Amanda and Rosa. Where we paint our nails, watch romance movies, wearing mud masks and pajamas. That speaks multitudes of my desperation. I despise everything about ‘girl days’.
Hours later, after I read, eat, and have had a self-loathing dialogue; with, myself. Lucifer shows up.
Hiding my excitement, I cringe, feeling like a dog with a wagging tail because his master has come home. Desperate much?
He looks tired and walks right past me as I stare at him from the sofa in the library.
“Wait!” 
Lucifer pauses in the hallway, and I blurt the first thing that comes to mind.
“Do you like card games?”
You’d think I’d given him a long division question. He seems to be really thinking about what should be a simple yes or no answer.
“Are you asking for my company, Tallisa?”
There he goes again. Every time he says my name like that, it creates an unwanted reaction.
The way he looks at me makes me believe I’ve made an error asking him. Nothing is ever as it seems with him.
“Just a simple game of cards.” I add. 
He smiles, walking over to me, and takes a seat across the table.
“Most things are seldom simple. Its emotion that complicates them.”
I roll my eyes at him.
“Do you wanna play or not?” 
He laughs, kicking his head back dramatically, only aggravating me further. He’s always laughing at me in some condescending way, like I’m left out of the joke. He stops abruptly, looking me up and down.
“I would love to play with you, Tallisa.”
Heat rises to my cheeks. In just a couple of words, he has me all hot and bothered.
“Stop that!” I complain.
“Stop what? Tallisa.” he bites his lip, making me shudder. It has to be part of his lure. No one deserves to be that handsome; devilishly so.
“For one! The way you say my name, like... like... just call me Tally.” There, that should do it.
“But that’s not your name. Tally is a child’s name and you're no child. You’re a woman in all sense of the word.” He looks me over again. This time lingering on all the places he’s previously touched. I feel naked under his gaze.
“You deserve the full title of your name... Tallisa.”
I jump off the sofa, alarmed by my sudden train of thought involving a whole different kind of game. I don’t know if it was mine, or he somehow pushed it in my head.
This was a bad idea. I fake yawn, telling him I’m tired, and changed my mind. I hurry to my room; afraid he’ll stop me. The scariest part of the thought is the realization that comes after. I think I’d let him.