Mha fluff/angst oneshots

🥀 Tododeku 🥀

TW!! WARNINGS ARE IN THE DESCRIPTION!!

LEAVE SHIP RECS IF YOU HAVE ANY! I MIGHT START REPEATING I'M RUNNING OUT OF IDEAS!!

Izuku POV:

Me and Shoto have been dating for a few months now, and I really thought I was getting a handle with all my emotions, but one question really set me back.

"I'm shocked someone of his league is dating a twerp like you. Are you sure he actually likes you, or maybe he just feels pity for you?" Monoma from class 1-B insulted after I accidentally ran into him in the hallway. I tried to tell myself it was him being condescending like always, but the nagging thought of, what if he is right?, kept replaying in my head. I felt everything that had been blinded by the early stages of our relationship erupt into flames, resurfacing worse than ever simply because it had been building and festering in the sidelines.

I every anxiety and every negative thought stripped away any of the hope I had that I was finally starting to get better. For the first time in years, I was able to go a few months without self harming to help cope with everything, and I was proud. Now, I regret not doing it enough. I felt terrible, I should be happy. I have someone who loves me, but I couldn't help but think that Monoma was right. It was pity.

After that incident, I went the rest of the day plastering my fake smile that everyone was used to before I got with Shoto. I laughed and joked and pretended everything was normal, because to everyone else, it had to be. I couldn't let anyone see how ungrateful I was being. After classes finally ended, Shoto held my hand tightly as we walked back to the dorms. All I could think about was how I was going to find my blade and relapse as soon as we got there, I needed it. I couldn't handle what was happening in my head. It was too much.

"So whose dorm are we going to?" Shoto asked calmly as we got closer to the buildings. I hesitated and stammered over whaat to say as an excuse, but couldn't get anything out. "Izuku, is everything okay? You seem... off," Shoto asked worriedly, stopping in the path and forcing me to look at him. I laughed and nodded, holding back the fact that I wanted to cry. "I'm okay! Maybe a bit tired, but I'm fine! Why wouldn't I be? I have you," I responded. He furrowed his brows and looked at me intensely. He hummed before pulling me into a hug. "I don't know why, or what it is, but something just feels off. Maybe I'm being paranoid, but just know you can always reach out to me if you need anything. I love you."

"I love you too," I whispered in his chest as I hugged him back. "I think I should take a nap, do you mind if I go do that for a little bit? And then we can hang out after," I offered. He pulled back and smiled softly at me. "Okay, just come to my room if you need anything, I'll be there," he said. He walked me all the way to my dorm room before kissing my cheek and telling me he loved me, leaving to let me 'nap'.

As soon as I shut the door, I dropped my smile and I felt myself heave out a breath. I was exhausted from having to wear a mask after not needing to for a while. I felt tears brim my eyes as I poked around my room frantically, trying to remember where I had left my blade the last time I used it. I checked my desk, my dresser, and my bathroom before I remembered taping it behind a poster so Shoto wouldn't find it when he came over to my room the day he confessed. I unpinned the poster and grabbed the blade off the poster, let out a relieved sigh when I felt the cold metal between my fingers.

I set it on my desk quickly before taking off my uniform in order to avoid getting blood on it. It was cold in just my boxers, so I put on a pair of basketball shorts before sitting at my desk and picking up the sharp metal. I stared at it for a moment, feeling my mind run a mile a minute. Was I really doing this? Would Shoto find out? Would he be mad? He said he would be there for me if I needed him? It's probably a lie. He pities me. Everyone does. Kacchan was right about me being pathetic. I'll never be a hero. I am a lame excuse of a successor. All Might is disappointed in me. I continued to spiral before I felt my nerves buzz in anticipation in my wrist, almost as if it was begging me to make the cut. So I did.