Heart's Desire

Chapter 6

"Odessa! Odessa!" I called after her.

She had left the palace completely and was, I assumed, walking towards her house. As we walked past the market from earlier and was now reaching some homes that came in various shapes and sizes. There were people who were walking in and out of the area, their togas tattered and torn. Some were not even cleaned and I mistook them for being brown dyed togas, but as I realized, it was human feces. I sighed, knowing that my father didn't care about these people. The every day person.

Odessa stopped walking and I almost ran into her, again. Stopping myself before I could, she turned and faced me. Behind her was a smallish house. It definitely wasn't on the bigger scale of these houses and it wasn't on the smaller end. Not in the middle either. It was humble, to say the least. Which was odd because every gladiator I knew was living in a medium to large house. And they were given the option to upscale with no problems. Why didn't she or her father?

"I-I'm sorry about tonight."

"It just goes to show what really goes on in between the classes," she said. "I didn't belong there, even if I was of someone with higher status. They'll always see me as that, Y/N."

"I don't," I reached over and grabbed her hand, wanting her warmth back.

"You never saw me as a brute?"

"At first I did. I made the general assumption that all the gladiators are brutes. But you're not! Honestly, you are not a brute. If anything, the champion is a brute. I've talked to him on several occasions and he's so arrogant. So full of himself that he puffs out his chest like a peacock. His confidence is what is going to get him killed."

Odessa shook her head, "I am also a brute, Y/N. I-I've taken lives of other gladiators in fights. For people's entertainment. I know Aetius."

"You do?"

"Yes. His father asked for a private viewing of a gladiator fight and he put me up against many of the comrades I had made. It was either their life or mine and I had to choose."

I held her hand tightly. She wanted to let go, I could feel it as her hand tensed up, but it relaxed after a bit.

"Aetius has only seen me as a brute and that image will never wash away. No matter how much I try to clean the blood that is on my hands. I try not to fight other people, only animals. Even then, I feel bad for the animal. I feel bad for all the lives I have taken. Good, bad, human, and non-human."

"Odessa," I began.

"We shouldn't be friends, Y/N. Even if it was for a short while, it was great getting to know you."

"Wait, please," I said.

"We weren't meant to be. You're meant to marry some prince of another land or a man with higher status. Someone who can actually afford to take care of you. Afford to spoil you."

"And what for? Just to produce an heir and take the title once my father steps down? I am only useful when it comes to the needs and desires of men. I don't have a say in who I marry. I can't persuade my father into thinking of someone else. Or letting me take over once he is done. A female Caesar is impossible as he puts it."

She nodded her head, "I can understand where you're coming from. That you're afraid someone will never truly love you."

"And like you know," I said.

"I do know, actually," she said, finally removing her hand from mine. "When someone looks at me, they turn away or run. When someone knows I am a gladiator, they don't look at me with respect like the others. They look at me with pure disgust. Disgust that a woman can do what a man can do. And a damn better job. They look at the champion and praise him on his performances. They look at me and look down upon a performance that was just as bloody or cruel as his. It's the double standard for both of us, Y/N. Not just you and I, but man and woman."

I nodded my head, "I'm sorry. I-I shouldn't have assumed."

"It's alright," she said. "It happens."

"That's why I still want to get to know you. Still be your friend."

"Do you really want to get to know me?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"For starters, I'm not who you think or led to believe I am."

"Funny, my father said the same thing about you."

"He speaks the truth."

"What do you mean?"

"He and my father were very close friends. When I was born, your father stopped coming around. Stopped going to gladiator matches all together. Stopped inviting him to parties and such. My father went to ask questions, but your father refused to see him. When he saw that I was being trained the minute I could walk, your father advised mine to not let me walk down the same path. That it would only get me hurt.

"My father didn't listen and continued to train me. Train me harder than any other child, so that I could prove to everyone that I was strong. That I could be strong despite what is behind this toga," she said with caution. There was something she was hiding from me.

My eyes trailed down to her toga, but she turned.

"Your father saw me for what I was back then, not who I was. And he will never change his mind about me. No matter if we're friends or not."

"Odessa, what are you not telling me?"

"It's better that you don't know."

"I won't tell anyone. Please, just tell me what you're hiding."

"Have a good night, Y/N," she walked towards the front door and opened it. She bent her head down to avoid hitting it on the way in.

I heard children and laughter. Squeals as she laughed with them. As she was closing the door, a shadow came towards her. I couldn't really make out the figure, if they were a man or a woman, but their shadows came together as the door closed, not giving me a clear look.

Is that what she was hiding from me?