Heart's Desire

Chapter 32

She raised her hand and placed it on my stomach, slowly rubbing it up and down. A smile danced across her face as the baby pressed a hand against my stomach, pressing outwards, touching Odessa's hand.

"Would you look at that," she said in awe.

"If only we could switch positions," I sighed, laying back against the mountain of pillows that were doing a decent job at making me comfortable.

"I would if I could, Y/N," she said.

"I know," I said.

"Is there anything I can do to help you?" she asked, looking up at me with those amber eyes of hers. How she made them look like puppy dog eyes.

Tears filled my eyes for no reason. Fuck. My mother was right. These mood swings were terrible and I absolutely hated them. The other day I yelled at Odessa for just breathing. We were doing nothing other than what we were doing now, laying beside one another and I just snapped at her. She was a bit surprised, but understood that the mood swings were going to be a normal occurrence.

"What's wrong, love?" she asked, sitting up.

I fell towards her and she caught me, lifting me up and onto her lap.

"I-I'm not too heavy for you?"

"Never," she said.

"I-I can't even hug you properly."

"Then I can do this," she moved to where she was resting against the mountain of pillows and held me bridal style.

"There. Now I can see you and hold you close. What's wrong, my love?"

"Do you still--"

"Yes, I still love you. I always will," she said. "You don't need to worry about that."

"Even when--"

"Even when you're this big. Yes. I will love you no matter what."

More tears started to form to where they slid down my face. I tucked my face into the crook of her neck and cried.

"Oh, love," she held me close to her, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "I wish I could take this away from you. The mood swings, the pain, the inability to sleep at night. I'm sorry, love."

"I-It's ok," I breathed through sobs.

"It's not ok. I did this to you."

"But we wanted this. I wanted this. I wanted to start a family with you."

"And it's not fair that you're the one to be in this condition."

"I-Is something bothering you, Dez?" I pulled away to find a concerned look on her face.

"I did some reading up on pregnancies. How some times things can go wrong."

"Are you worried?"

"Yes. I am worried. I am worried that I can lose either of you. Or worse, both of you during child birth."

"Have you talked to my mom about it?"

"I did. She was worried about that, too. One of the women who works here helped deliver you. There was so much blood that she was afraid your mother was going to die due to that. And there was a moment when you didn't cry when you first came out. There are just so many things that could go wrong and it honestly scares the hell out of me. I don't want to lose you or the baby. Or both. I-I don't know what I would do if I lost both or either of you."

Tears started to form in Odessa's eyes, making her once glowing eyes turn dull. I placed my hand on her jaw and turned her head towards me. Our eyes met for a short while before our lips met. The worst thing about this was I was in a constant state of wanting to start something with her. But I knew I couldn't.

"Babe," she whispered through my kisses. "Babe, please. I-I can't."

"Please," I breathed against her lips, nibbling them slightly.

She pulled away, shaking her head, "I-I can't. I will lose control."

I nodded my head, "I-I'm sorry."

"It's alright, love. Maybe once everything is said and done we can do something."

"I am waiting to have another baby," I said.

"That's up to you. If you don't want to have another one, that's fine. If you want another, that is also fine. We can have as many as you want," she said.

I nodded my head, resting my head against her shoulder. Even if I was in a slightly awkward position, being held like this was comforting. My eyes felt heavy and for once, I think the baby was asleep or at least calm enough to where I could rest for a bit.

"Come on," Odessa said, standing up.

She placed me on the bed and pulled the covers up to my chest.

"I've got to oversee an event in the Colosseum. I'll be back, love," she said, pressing a kiss to my forehead.

"Ok," I said.

"I love you," she whispered, pecking my lips.

"I love you, too."

She walked out of the room and closed the door. My eyes fluttered closed and my body drifted off to sleep.

I was sitting in the bathing area with Odessa, my mother, and the same woman who helped deliver me. It was almost time for me to deliver as the baby kept kicking constantly and my water broke right when I was about to get into bed with Odessa. She rushed me over to the bathing area while my mother got the other woman. The pain was excruciating I held onto Odessa's hand tightly. It was like that the entire night and into the early morning. My body was tired and weary, ready to be over with this pain and with being larger than the average human. I wanted to be able to sleep with Odessa and to actually be close to her.

Once the pain started to ramp up, that was when I knew it was time. With all my might, I pushed as hard as I could, taking deep breaths and long stops during it. I thought a blood vessel was going to pop in my face with how red it was. And when the baby was finally born, the woman reached into the water and removed the baby.

I went to reach for them, but the woman did not hand me the baby. Odessa turned to see what the problem was, but her face dropped. The baby, was blue in the face. The umbilical cord was wrapped tightly around the baby's throat, sealing off the airway. The woman frantically unraveled the cord, trying to get air through. But it was too late. Tears slid down my face as I let out the most heart-wrenching, bone chilling scream of my life.

"Y/N? Y/N?! Y/N!"

I lurched forward, groaning in the process as the baby kicked me hard. I turned to my right to find Odessa was kneeling beside the bed, a concerned look on her face.

"Are you alright, love?"

"Odessa," I wrapped my arms around her neck, crying into her shoulder.

"Hey, hey, shh, shh," she wrapped her arms around my waist, rubbing her hands up and down my back. "You're ok, love. You're ok."

"I lost the baby," I sobbed.

"Shh, shh, it was just a dream. It was just a dream. I've got you, now. I've got you."