Heart's Desire

Chapter 13

I couldn't do it. I couldn't bear to stand seeing her like that. So concerned for me. So worried about what I was feeling in that moment. If only I didn't invite her to that party, none of this would have happened. If only I had just stuck with my father after that Colosseum fight and never went to go talk to her, I wouldn't be in this situation. If only. If only. I can't change the past now. I can only control what is going on now. And I decided that if I wanted to get used to not seeing Odessa, I had to do just that.

But the more I did that, the more I ignored her deliberately and went out of my way to avoid her, I yearned for her. I wanted her to focus on her training, yes, since I didn't want to distract her. But how she pushed herself to almost her breaking point, I wanted to step in. Wanted to tell her that she needed to rest. Give her the massages she always needs to loosen up her stiff muscles. Feel how strong her shoulders were and watch as her biceps contracted and relaxed whenever she did her cool downs. I couldn't take it anymore and there was about half a month left until the challenge takes place.

I think the reason she is pushing herself so much is to get her mind off of me. To think about her goal and what she would wish from my father. I hope it's something nice for her family. They deserve it. Her family. The words of her brother kept popping into my head every now and then. How he said that I was pretty and Odessa's girlfriend. Her girlfriend.

I thought long and hard about the predicament I am in. Either I marry Aetius, produce an heir, and never see her again, or risk both of our lives for the sake of my love for her. Damn it. I knew I didn't just like her. I love her. I love everything about her. From her kindness, her strength and how she can be gentle at times, to just her. Everything about her I love. And I can't stand being away from her when she is so close now. Closer than ever. But I have a duty to the city, to my father, to the empire. To hell with them. I should be allowed to choose my own fate. Forge my own path and dictate my own destiny. If I am destined to be with Odessa, either in life or death, so be it. I will follow destiny.

But then again, I should focus on my duty and marry Aetius. What the hell am I saying? I can't marry a guy like him. Especially after his sour first impression. I still can't get over the fact that he called her a brute. There is nothing brutish about her. I get it. He's probably intimidated by her sheer size alone. I was too at first, but after getting to know her, she is such a gentle person that I don't think she would hurt a fly. Unless that fly gave her every reason to hurt it. But she wouldn't go out of her way to get what she wanted based on her strength and size. The champion would do that, since he is the champion and everyone should respect him. Everyone should bow down to him, serve him and no one but him. He needs to be removed from that power. It has gotten to his head for far too long.

"Y/N?"

I was pulled from my thoughts as Odessa walked up to me. I was standing in the entry way of the bathing area, just staring off into space.

"I-I'm sorry," I stepped aside.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing."

"Really? You ran out on me three days ago, haven't talked to me since, and is basically nonexistent. Any time I try to find you, to talk to you, you avoid me like the plague. What is going on? I-I need you more than ever."

"Why me?"

"There's half a month left and I've been overworking myself. I-I need to rest, but I can't. Not unless we settle what is going on between us."

"What is there between us?" I asked.

"I've wanted to ask you that for a while now."

"Come sit. I'll tell you while I massage your shoulders."

She walked into the bathing area and I just stood there, in my thoughts once more until I heard the parting of the water, allowing Odessa to slip into its embrace. I turned around and walked over to where she was, sitting on the ledge and massaging her shoulders.

"Are you going to tell me?" she asked after a few moments of silence.

"What am I to you?"

"Excuse me?"

"What am I to you?"

"You're my friend."

"Nothing more?"

"I-I don't know. I feel like that is up to both of us. I do have strong feelings towards you."

"I as well."

"Can I turn to face you?"

I stopped massaging her shoulders and she turned around, kneeling on the ledge that was underneath the water. She was face to face with me now. There was no running this time. I shouldn't. I wasn't going to.

"What's wrong?" she asked, reaching over to grab my hands.

"I-I am conflicted with what I should do."

"On what?"

"This empire. The marriage."

"Well, you need to follow what your heart desires."

"What my heart desires will possibly get two people killed."

She slowly nodded her head, "What are we going to do?"

"We?"

"Yes."

"H-How did you?"

"It's very obvious. I'm surprised your father didn't intervene."

"I think he's denying it in the hopes that the issue fixes itself. Or that forcing me into a marriage with Aetius will change what's going on in between us."

"And what is going on in between us?" she smirked.

"You really want me to say it?" I smiled.

"Of course. You were the one who ran from me the first time."

"And I'm not running again."

"Tell me, Y/N," she said, leaning over to press her forehead against mine. "What does your heart desire?"

Her. All of her. I desired her like she was the air I needed to breathe. I couldn't stand being away from her and I can't stand knowing that if I marry Aetius, I'd never see her again. She leaned towards me, about to press her lips against mine, but something made her stop. She was about to pull away when I reached up and placed my hands on her cheeks. Now or never.

I pressed my lips against hers firmly. Her arms wrapped around me tightly as she pressed her lips against mine, kissing me, solidifying our feelings towards one another. This was pure bliss, having her warmth against me like this. Having her soft lips against mine. I knew they were soft. It was just a matter of time of figuring it out. I pulled away, finding her amber eyes staring into mine.

"I desire you."