Young, Wild and Married

Chapter 45- Moving On

Me Without You - Sam Tsui

Chapter 45- Moving On

It was hard. It was probably the hardest thing I had ever done in my whole life. Sure I had been hurt before. I had been hurt when I broke up with my exes but those were all nothing compared to what I am feeling right now.

I had never been in love like this before...I had never been this hurt too. He became my everything. Waking up without him by my side was like a nightmare that I prefer to just go to sleep and dream about him than waking up remembering everything. I loved him more than I had ever loved any man.

Loving him made me doubt about my feelings for my exes. Sometimes I caught myself wondering if I ever did love them because it felt so different. He was my courage. He was my light. He was my life. He was my husband.

My company allowed me to take a leave after finding out about the accident and miscarriage. I have been stuck here in my room for days, sulking. I thought it would be easier for me not to stay at our home so I wouldn't recall what we had but I was wrong. He was everywhere.

Here in my room, I could recall the days when he would sneak inside. I could remember when he would bug me to accompany him to a party. I could remember when he just wanted to hang out in the middle of the night and I would kick him out of my room but in the end, we were both seated on my bed as we watched movies.

A knock on my door pulled me out of my thoughts. The door then slowly creaked open. It was my mom. She gave me a small smile but there was sadness in her eyes or was it pity as she looked at my teat stained face. "He already left. How long will you keep yourself away from him?"

"I...I don't know," I answered as I played the hem of my blanket. "Did he receive the papers? Did he sign it already?"

"He's been coming here four days in a row now," my mom told me as closed the door of my room after walking in. "He still doesn't want to sign it."

"Mom, can I ask for another favor?" I asked as I looked up at her. I knew I had been asking her a lot recently. I even asked her to tell him I was sleeping or not at home just for him not to see me. "Tomorrow if ever he will be there again, please tell him I never wanted to see him again. Tell him I hate him. Tell him to sign the papers so we could...be free."

"You want me to lie?" I heard my mom asked as she sat down at the edge of my bed. She looked at me intently and I felt conscious. "We both know you don't hate him. We both know you're dying to see him."

I looked at my lap, avoiding my mom's gaze. I then dried the tears that escaped from my eyes. Then I heard her say. "You have been peeking at your window just to get a glimpse of him. You thought I would not notice?"

"If I would tell him that I still love him, I know he wouldn't sign those papers," I told my mom. "He wouldn't be with Tiffany... Her child needs him more than I do."

"H-have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror these past few days, Christie?" My mom asked. I looked up at her and now, there were tears welling in her eyes. "You haven't been eating enough for these past few days. You are losing weight. Your eyes, if not puffy from crying, it is dark from staying up all night. Now you are saying that she needs him more?"

I kept my mouth shut knowing she was right. Her child has not been born yet and I knew I probably needed him more than Tiffany ever needed him. I had to be independent though. I had to learn how to live without him by my side. I had to let him go for the sake of his child.

"I'll just go prepare our dinner, okay?" My mom told me as she stood up. Before leaving my room, she threw me a glance and I gave her a faint smile.

If I really wanted for us to end, I had to get up on my feet. I had to show everyone that I'm okay. I had to show him that we can both live without each other. I had to be strong.

I stood up from my bed and fixed it. I then went over to my cabinet and looked for a box. If I wanted to forget about him—to forget about this pain—I had to do this. Taking the box with me, I walked towards my study table.

Holding back the tears as I looked at the photos displayed on it, I put the box on it. I grabbed the first frame. It was a group photo taken during our college days. Zoey was holding the camera, taking the group picture. Jay's arm was around her waist, smiling. Courtney's head was resting on Drake's shoulder as they both plastered a grin towards it. I was seated next to Andrew. We were smiling but I was holding a peace sign just above his head.

I could recall how Zoey looked at me after seeing the result. She even asked for us to pose again but this time, Andrew has to restrain my arms. That was why on the second photo in the frame, it looked like he was hugging me. It looked like photos of three couples. Just like in the photo, we aren't together. The only difference this time is that we were not together anymore. I placed it inside the box.

The next photo was during prom. Zoey and I were in the middle. Jay was next to Zoey, their arms were looped. Andrew was on my side and we were wearing the same shade of purple then. It was our parents' plan. They didn't know about my break up with Tom then. Andrew was my date because why not? He was my best friend. Then there was Christian and Cristoph in the background, grinning like maniacs.

I dried the tears that fell using my hand as I placed the frame inside. I didn't realise I was crying again until I saw a tear dropped on the frame. I then grabbed another frame. It was the oldest photo of us displayed in my room. I hadn't realised until now that most of the photos here had him in it.

I stared at the photo and I can't help but smile at it. We were around five when this was taken. We were at the park, playing. We had dirt on our faces and on our hands. Obviously, we were throwing dirt at each other. We were laughing despite of the dirt that was on our faces. Christian and Cristoph was standing behind us, their hands were on their back.

I remembered after the photo was taken, the three of them exchanged glances and they left me clueless. While I was wondering what they were thinking, they immediately spill dirt on me. I cried like a little girl that I was. Andrew hugged me and apologized while laughing. I could still recall how I pushed him and ran towards my mom.

My mom was surprised and he called my brothers. The two was pinched on their side and we all went home. They were glaring at me and I was glaring back at them. There were dirt on my red hair and they would laugh silently behind our mom's back as they looked at me. My brothers were evil...but I love them.

I walked towards my vanity mirror with the box. There it was—Andrew and I's prenuptial photos. I was pretty sure it was my mom's idea to have it printed and displayed here on my room. I didn't even dare to stare at it as long as the previous photos. I grabbed it and placed it inside the box.

I then walked over to the side of my room where our wedding photo was hanged. It was the same photo displayed on our living room but this was a smaller version. Just like our prenuptial photos, I didn't dare to stare at it for too long.

I quickly closed the box and placed it in a corner of my room. I took a deep breath and sat at the edge of my bed. I had to do this. I had to act like everything's going to be okay. Everything would be okay—not now but soon.

I grabbed my phone that was placed on my bed side table. I had received lots of text messages and I ignored all of them. I went straight to my contact list and messaged both Emily and Daniel. I would go back to work to keep myself busy. I had to keep my mind off the thoughts of him.

Before I placed my phone back on the table, I received a new message. It was from him. I didn't know whether to smile knowing he still loves me or to cry because he still loves me and we had to break up.

"I love you. I know you still love me too. I am not giving up on us. Never."

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A/N: Just like what I have promised, even though I'm a bit busy, I will update on my birthday. lol so yeah, happy birthday to me. lol

I hope you guys enjoyed it. Please do tell me what you think. Don't forget to vote if you liked it. c:

xx