Unhinged

Chapter Nine

"So, we're doing this?"

"Don't sound too excited." He mumbled sarcastically and you shook your head with a smile.

The two of you were sitting criss cross facing each other on your bed a couple hours later.

You asked him not to tell Alex about what happened in the bar, and he agreed before you texted Carl and Leo, letting them know you were fine. So, you three ate tacos, skipped the tequila, and actually had a nice dinner despite the obvious tension that had fallen between you both since coming back.

You took a deep breath and he put cupped his hand around your ankle since you were fidgeting with your hands on your lap, giving you a comforting squeeze.

"Believe it or not, I've been sleeping around since uni because I just truly enjoy sex," You gave him a somewhat shy, cheeky grin and he smiled back, "But then I met Dean my last year there and we hit it off – it was fast and I fell hard," You smiled sadly at the memory, "My life became all about him because he had convinced me that that was normal, knowing I knew shit about being in a committed relationship, and I failed to see the signs – sounds cliché, but when you're in it, you don't even realize you're stepping into the classic abusive relationship," You took another deep breath and he stayed quiet, letting you get this out, "There were fights, hospital visits, and finally," Your eyebrows pulled together as you frowned deeply, looking down at your lap before closing your eyes, "He got piss drunk one night and um, he had been out with his buddies, probably fucking around with other girls, I never really knew, but then he um...he brought them back to the house we had bought together after he proposed."

"Sweetheart..."

"Y/n," You glanced up at him with wet eyes, his soft ones full of concern, and he had a weak smile when you told him, "My name's Y/n Hunter."

"Okay." He whispered back and you took another shaky breath.

"Besides Dean and his dead friends," You spat the last part, and you didn't miss the hitch in his breath at your words, "Alex is the only other one who knows what happened. It's why they're so protective over me."

"His friends are...dead?" He spoke carefully, wondering if he heard that right, and you met his eyes with a hardened stare, nodding firmly, but you were surprised when he nodded back once, "Good. Glad they are. Hope they suffered."

"Even if I'm the one who...?"

"It was your right after what they did." He sounded sure and confident, almost as if he would've done it himself if you hadn't already.

"Okay. Good." You nodded again with narrowed eyes, truly suspecting something other than just reassurance that you did the right thing when you picked off those assholes one by one.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah," You sighed out, expecting this, "Sure."

"Why didn't you take care of Dean the same way you did the others?"

"At first, I thought I was saving him for last," You admitted with a frown, "But now I don't know. Had plenty of chances, but never took them. Maybe he's a sick reminder I need around or maybe he still scares me. I honestly don't know."

You hadn't really thought about it before, why you let him go before running away to the city where you lived in Queens for a while until you heard from Alex that he might be catching on to the exact address, so you guys found another apartment once the lease was up.

"I'd be happy to..." He offered vaguely and you narrowed your eyes again.

"You'd better tell me everything about yourself now before I even consider taking you up on your help with that." You smirked, letting out a short laugh, and he nodded, his face falling to serious again.

"I've been dreading this."

"Why?"

"Because I know once I tell you," He let out a deep breath, "You'll see me differently."

"It can't be that deep, James, I already hate your guts, obviously." You joked and his lips quirked up into a smile.

"My full name is James Buchanan Barnes, but most people call me Bucky," He paused and you furrowed your eyebrows for a quick second before your eyes widened, gaping at him when you realized, "I was recruited in 1941 for World War two, was captured by Hydra and turned into a...weapon," He seemed to struggle with the term, "They called me the Winter Soldier and when my best friend, Steve Rogers," You closed your jaw before it went through the bed and hit the floor, "Found me after coming out of the ice, he helped get me back. I'm skipping a lot of details, but yeah," He looked upset, truly believing you'd kick him out after this, "I've done a lot of terrible things under mind control, and I still have nightmares and PTSD and I've been going to therapy – it helps...I guess."

He shifted uncomfortably where he sat as you stayed quiet, taking this all in.

"I've been sleeping with – oh my god." You muttered, darting your eyes across the bed in between you both, and he ran a hand down his face with a frustrated sigh.

"Yeah, 'm sorry I didn't tell you from the start. It was just nice to have someone in my life who didn't know, but the more we got to know each other, the harder it was to keep lying to you," His eyes were sad, and he looked utterly defeated like he reached the end of this line, and it tore him apart, "I've wanted to tell you for forever, but I knew what it'd mean."

"What uh, what does it mean?" You asked curiously as your mind caught up with all of it.

"You won't want to be with me."

You raised your eyebrows, watching the super soldier in front of you have his heart shattered at the assumptions he's already confirmed for himself, and you couldn't believe you didn't see it before. All of it.

"I actually like bananas best," You blurted after a long moment of silence, and he looked more than confused before you continued, "I can't listen to sad songs without bawling my eyes out," He started smiling softly, "I love rainy days, but the first sunny days of summer always feel nice, I'm both a cat and a dog person, I like all types of music except country," You tried to think and then let out a tiny squeal when he tackled you onto your back, hovering over you as his eyes flicked between yours and your lips, a fond, happy smile across his face, "I love watching Golden Girls and horror movies – ah." You moaned quietly as he started kissing your neck, your fingers moving to thread through his short hair.

"Keep going." His voice was scratchy, and you hummed, letting your eyes flutter closed as he kissed over your neck, leaning on his arm that was at your side, and you wrapped your legs around his waist.

"Massive Oasis fan," You were just rambling now, praying he wouldn't stop kissing you, "Chunky monkey is the superior ice cream – a close runner up is mint chip," You wracked your brain for more, but whenever someone wants to know things about you in the moment, you usually blank going off the cuff, "I also keep all of my movie stubs and I have no idea why."

That made him laugh against you, the vibrations hitting deep, and he wrapped his arms around your lower back, pulling you into him further as one of your hands fell from his hair. You couldn't help but to affectionately rub your nose against his, forcing him to break out that crinkly smile that you were honestly in love with, and you put a hand to the side of his face as he watched you. You traced your thumb across his bottom lip, and he didn't move, letting you do whatever you wanted, even when you reached your pointer finger over to brush his eyebrow.

"Your eyes are so beautiful," You thought out loud and the crinkles only became crinklier, a light blush dusting his cheeks when you whispered, "You're just really beautiful, James."

"Back at ya, sweetheart." He whispered before finally pressing his lips to yours.