lost cause | billie eilish

21 | nowhere to go

                                 - billie's pov -

"have you talked to her?" zoe asked as she sat in the studio with me.

i just shook my head as i continued to write shit down in my notebook.

she sighed. "are you okay though? cause i know after watching that yesterday, you wanted to check on her."

so yesterday was the nationals competition for saylor and clearly i didn't go. but i did watch it live on tv. so yeah, i saw the fall and everything.

i was absolutely devastated for her, i can't lie. not only did i want her to succeed but i also know how humiliated she must feel.

and seeing her laying on the rink hurt with everyone surrounding her, and watching her get carried away by the paramedics, i wanted to be there with her, holding her hand through all of it.

but i couldn't. because as much as i miss her, i can't see past what she did the other day.

cause if i didn't move my head when i did, that glass would've hit me and it would've been really bad. and i didnt deserve that at all, no matter what she was dealing with.

"well how are you holding up?" zoe asked me. "are you like traumatized or scarred?"

"i mean i think my feelings are more hurt than anything," i shrugged. "like at the fact that she'd actually do that to me. like actually try to physically hurt me like that."

"ughhh and i liked her too," zoe shook her head.

i sighed. "i don't think she's a bad person zoey. i honestly think she's just so used to having to defend and protect herself in a physical way, that her mind just did what it was used to."

"but that's still no excuse," zoe said. "that could've ended really badly b."

"i know i know," i looked down.

"so what about quinn?" she looked at me.

i rolled my eyes. "what about her?"

"did you ever like confront her for posting shit like that without your permission?"

"well i texted her and said 'you are one of the messiest clout chasing hoes i've ever met. don't mention or post anything about me. ever'.. and then i blocked her," i nodded.

"good for youuuu," zoe laughed as she high fived me.

                               - saylor's pov -

here i am, sitting on the couch, binging yet another show while eating yet another pint of ice cream. having a broken ankle has really limited my mobility and it's so inconvenient.

at one point, i stared at my phone for the longest, trying to decide if i wanted to insta cart another pint of vegan chocolate fudge brownie häagen-dazs from the store.

no saylor. you haven't had an actual meal all day. at least order actual food.

but honestly, it's hard to think about food when the entire internet is talking about my fall at the competition the other day. some people are sending me their best wishes, while others are lowkey making fun of it.

and billie's fans are wondering what's going on between us because she wasn't seen at the competition, nor has she said anything on social media about my accident.

not that she has to, but her fans would expect it i guess since im her significant other.

and now that i say that, i dont even know the status of our relationship. we haven't talked since our fight. i've been blowing her up but im convinced she just muted my contact.