lost cause | billie eilish

26 | a nightmare

"okay so you're gonna be waiting at the top of the stage," billie told me.

"won't the crowd see me?" i furrowed my eyebrows.

"no," she shook her head. "it'll be dark as fuck up there and the spotlight will be directly on me."

"okay," i nodded.

"so then as im singing bury a friend im eventually gonna walk up the ramp and get to the top of the stage," she started. "and then after the ding, we're gonna do the back bend."

"but in opposite directions right?" i asked her.

"yeah," she nodded. "so it'll looked all crossed and shit."

"okay cool," i smiled.

"you better not embarrass me," she joked.

"oh cmon," i started. "embarrassing you is what i do best," i grinned.

it's been about two months and today is the last show for the first leg of the tour. experiencing this with billie has been nothing short of amazing.

finneas approached us. "so you're gonna do it?" he smiled.

"yeah," i cheesed. "im nervous."

"you literally perform on ice all the time," he rose his eyebrows.

"when i ice skate, there isn't 50,000 people staring at me in person," i responded. "majority is on tv."

he chuckled. "i won't argue there."

-

the show started and i felt like i was shitting bricks as i waited for my cue. i don't know how billie does this shit in front of this many people.

but our cross- bend part during bury a friend was cool and the crowd loved it as they were definitely surprised.

due to the lighting and everything, no one knew it was me. but then after the song ended, billie told the crowd to "give it up for saylor!" which revealed me.

after the show ended, we immediately got on the road to head back home to LA. ending the US leg was bittersweet and im honestly so glad that billie brought me along.

her and i were sitting on the couch in the lounge area, waving goodbye to the fans through the window with big smiles on our faces.

once they were out of sight, we both sighed of happiness, and also relief. i could tell billie was ready for a break of all the traveling and everything. and so was i.

"so," she looked at me. "have you decided about the next leg of tour?"

"huh? oh. umm," i looked down.

billie smirked. "just say it."

i looked at her.

"cmon say it," she grinned as she pushed my arm. "i won't be mad."

"no because i don't know for sure," i shook my head.

"yes you do," she tilted her head. "just tell me that you're not gonna come on the second leg with me because you're gonna retrain for ice skating."

i looked at billie and grinned. "i hate how well you know me."

"no you don't," she smiled.

"you're not mad?" i asked her.

"that you're gonna continue to follow your dreams and try to reach your ultimate goal? no," she shook her head. "im not that selfish."

i just chuckled.