POWER BACK

Chapter 36: Something in the Orange

Something in the Orange

February

The sun reflects on the water like the lake is on fire beneath the surface. The orange and pink and gold rays of light must have woken me from where I fell asleep on the dock, tucked under the blanket we shared on her birthday when Peyton first told me about her brother.

None of this feels real.

I remember yesterday, the regret and despair in Bree's eyes.

I remember last night, the way Peyton folded into herself and just vanished, like the ghost of a girl I still love.

Something in the orange of the sky tells me none of this will ever be right again.

I glance around me, counting empty cans, and shake my head, disgusted, when I get the urge to drink the rest of the case before I have to face my father.

Shame and anger burn in my gut, and something like fear gnaws at my heart. Not fear of him, but of the great nothing that stretches before me like a dark path that I'm doomed to stumble blindly down for the rest of my life.

I have to keep moving.

After gathering the cans scattered around me, I collect all the leavings of my life, heave them into my truck, and hoist myself into the driver's seat. My bloodshot eyes mock me in the rearview mirror.

What a fucking useless piece of shit I am.

I start the engine and begin the long trek home with no idea how to tell my parents that their youngest son, not even out of high school yet and with no plans for the future, is about to become a father.

*****

"Where you been, Bud?" Ma asks when I walk into the kitchen. "You look like you've been rode hard and put up wet." Her smile fades when she sees my face.

I swallow. "I need to talk to you about something," I say. "And Dad too."

She nods, wiping her hands on a dish towel before she heads out to the barn.

When they come in the door, Dad gives me that look that only a father can. Suspicion. Doubt. Disappointment.

They already know that something is very wrong.

"How 'bout some coffee, baby?" Ma asks.

Dad's eyes dart to her as if to say stop coddling him. But he knows better than to actually voice that thought.

She won't tolerate it. Not anymore.

I just sit at the table, catatonic. I can't even engage in a normal conversation. Ma turns to the coffeemaker and pours a cup, adding cream and sugar. She sets it down on the table and takes a seat on the bench across from me.

Dad just paces the floor, bracing himself.

I clear my throat. "Bree's pregnant."

Ma nods, staring at me. Dad shakes his head and walks out the back door. We sit there in silence, waiting for him to return. Ma puts her hands to her temples and stares at the table. I study the grain of the wood, my finger tracing a knot, dark and swirling.

The door flies open, he strides to the head of the table, and leans his arms against it. "Maddie," he says, "please call the pastor and let him know we need to schedule a wedding. Sooner is better than later, for obvious reasons."

Ma purses her lips and levels her eyes at me. "Jack, do you want to marry this girl?" she asks.

Dad huffs out a mocking laugh. "I don't give a shit about what he wants, Maddie. It's what a man knows has gotta to be done."