POWER BACK

Chapter 43: If You Could Read My Mind

If You Could Read My Mind

March

"You feeling any better about things, after some time away?" Jesse asks.

I startle, lift my head from the book I can't seem to stop reading. Once it got in my head, I couldn't put it down. Jesse and I are about halfway home, and I'm about halfway through All the Pretty Horses, at the part where he talks to Alejandra's aunt, and she basically tells him he's not good enough for her grandniece.

I shrug, look out the windshield. "I don't know that I'll ever feel better about anything," I say.

He nods. "You're in a tough spot, for sure."

All I keep thinking about is how it wouldn't be that tough of a spot if I was in love with her. How, if it were Peyton, I'd be excited. Freaked out, for sure. But excited. "Have you ever been in love, Jesse?"

"Naw. I've been infatuated with girls before, but never in love."

"What's the difference?"

"Oh, I don't know. I guess infatuation you have no control over. But love seems more like a choice we make. To trust someone. To allow someone close enough to feel something deeper."

"You think love is a choice?"

"In some ways, yeah."

I think about what Joe said about driving his own destiny, ruling his own fate.

Then Jesse keeps talking. "But I also think God puts people in our path on purpose. Maybe the reason is to love them, or maybe it's so they can teach us something."

"Something like what?"

"About ourselves. About life. I don't really believe in coincidences. Or luck. I believe everything has a purpose...even being in a tough spot can serve a purpose."

"Ma says that obstacles we face point us in specific directions."

"Yeah, sometimes. Sometimes those are the very things that define who you become. How you react to them reveals your character." He takes a swig from his water bottle.  "It's kind of like football."

"How is that like football?" I ask.

He glances at me. "Oh, I don't know. You play both ways, right?

"Yeah running back and linebacker."

"Which one do you like better? Offense or defense?"

"Defense, for sure," I say.

"That makes sense. You've always had a will to protect, ever since you were little. You like to stay back and wait for something to happen, and then you deal with it."

"Yeah, I guess so."

"I've seen you play, and in my opinion, you're a much better running back than you are a linebacker. The way you power down the middle—it's sheer will. Determination. You're stubborn as all get-out, but it serves you well sometimes."

I'm not sure exactly what he's trying to tell me, but I do know I have to make a move. I can't just sit back and wait for this to all unfold. I have to take some kind of action, one way or another.

Jesse pulls into a gas station in Inez next to a bar called The Bomb Diggity. "Better fill up before we hit Houston. I am not looking forward to that traffic."

I get out to stretch my legs and take a leak. I walk inside to get the bathroom key and head around the building.

When I walk back outside, I hear something rustling in the trash. I stop and scan the area. Two eyes stare at me from behind one of the cans.