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Chapter 51: That Wasn't Me

Chapter 51: That Wasn't Me

June

Colt is finally home from the hospital, so Bree asked if I could come by and see them for a bit. There's something she wants to talk to me about. Despite the fact that I'm still pretty angry at her and everything, it will be good to hold him again, to let him know I still care.

Ever since Joe visited, I've finally faced my inner demons. I think, at the end of the day, the person I'm most mad at is myself. I kind of floated along, going wherever the wind blew me, just like that feather. If I'd been honest about everything, how I felt about Peyton, how I felt about Bree, none of this ever would have happened. But I can't go back and undo it now—I can only move forward having learned from my mistakes.

I pull up to Gram's house, grab the little gift my Ma sent with me, and head to the front door. Bree greets me with a hesitant smile when she opens the door. Then she wraps her arms around my neck and hugs me tight.

When she pulls away, there are tears in her eyes, but she's still smiling.

I clear my throat.

"Come on in," she says. She shows me into the front room where the piano sits along with all of Gram's books.

"Can I get you anything?" She asks.

"No, I think I'm good. Where's Colt?"

"He's in his bassinet, sleeping. Finally. But he eats again at eleven, so I expect him to wake up soon." She sits on the couch in front of the coffee table.

I hand her the gift and sit down in the chair opposite her. "It's from Ma."

"That was sweet of her," she says. Then she unties the ribbon and pulls out the little pajamas. It's a set of three, one with various fish and fishing gear that says, "Gone Fishing," another with birds that says, "Little Birder," and the last one has Monarch Butterflies and says, "Butterfly Kisses."

"You must have helped her choose these," she says, smiling down at them.

"Maybe." I shrug.

"Thank you, Chap. They're so thoughtful."

She puts them down on the table and picks up an envelope. "This is for you."

"What is that?" I ask.

"A couple of things. Don't open it yet!" She grins. "Wait until you're on the road."

"Yes Ma'am." I tuck the envelope into my back pocket.

"So." She takes a deep breath. "I was wondering...we're going to get Colt baptized in a few months. And I hoped that you would be his Godfather."

My eyes start to water a bit. I clear my throat again. "Cash okay with that?" I ask.

She pushes herself up off the couch and walks over to the bookshelf. She picks out the Native Birds of Texas and carries it back to sit down. "Cash doesn't have much of a say in these kinds of things," she says.

"You guys aren't together?"

"No. His parents wanted us to be married, but I said no. I need to straighten out my own life before I go shackling myself to someone else's."

"That's a pretty big change of heart."

She turns to me, her eyes full of remorse. "Chap, I'm so sorry. About everything. I know that doesn't really make any of it better, but I just wanted you to know. The things I did—that wasn't me. It was like I was out of my mind. Not thinking clearly. I was so desperate for everything to be normal, to be perfect, that I kind of lost touch with reality."