POWER BACK

Chapter 44: Pictures of You

Chapter 44: Pictures of You

April

I'm flipping through the photo album that the booster club handed out at our football banquet last night. They hold a ceremony for the senior players every year, but I really wasn't in the mood to go, so Darius gave me my awards and stuff this morning.

I've been a bit of a recluse these days. So sick of the bullshit and gossip. I really can't wait to leave all the drama behind me.

In the album, each week's game has its own section, so the first few pages are action shots of me running the ball or making a sack. When I get to the games we played in October, my stomach sinks a little. One of the team photographers captured a picture of me on the sideline with my arm around Peyton. She's looking up at me with a smile on her face.

I swallow, remembering what it was like just to be near her. She's all over the second half of the album—even in pictures that are close-ups of me gazing into the distance, she's there, because I know she's the one I was gazing at.

When I come to the last page, my breath catches.

It's the night of our last game, right after Peyton scored the winning touchdown. I guess the photographer got a shot when I picked her up and spun her in circles. In the photo, her arms are wrapped around my shoulders, face buried in my neck. I'm smiling with my eyes closed.

It's like that memory of holding her is still alive, as if it were all happening again.

Her joy. Her triumph.

It feels like another world, one I no longer have access to.

*****

I wake up the next morning after dreaming about Peyton all night long. The dreams were hazy, but there's one I can kind of remember. She was wearing a football uniform, and we stood together on the dock. I turned to her and said, "I was looking at pictures of you. Remembering how I never told you the truth. I should have told you how I felt about you, about the stuff with Bree. And I'm so sorry for that, Peyton. I'm so sorry I hurt you."

She nodded and stared into my eyes with that haunted sadness. Then she said, "You can't marry her."

"I have to," I said.

She shook her head and whispered, "but you're not the father."

In my dream, I was so relieved. So happy to be set free.

When I woke from it, for a second I still thought it was real.

Then I remembered.

It's only wishful thinking.

Deep down I've been wishing that all of this would just go away somehow.

But it won't.

Prom is tonight. I kept hoping that Bree would change her mind, like she did about the wedding. But she seems set on going. So now I've got to somehow get through prom with a very pregnant fiancé by my side. I'm really not looking forward to it.

Ma pokes her head in my bedroom. "You pick up your tux?"

"Yes Ma'am," I say rolling over on my back.

She nods. "Bree find something to wear?"

I shake my head. "I hope so. I'm pretty tired of hearing about it. All she talks about is how fat she is. I mean, she's not fat. She's growing a damn human being inside her."

Ma smiles. "Yeah, I remember what that's like. It's an emotional rollercoaster."

"Welp, I want off the ride."