Just Another Cancer Patient

6 •Lacey•

When Zayn walks back in I scream, "I am a genius!"

"Really now?" He asks mischievously.

I nod my head.

"So here's the plan." I say chopping my arm forward like I am a kung fu master.

"At 2:45 you go hide behind a bush beside the hedge while I inform Charlie of our marvelous plan." I turn my sketch pad page to show the stick figures.

"Then you will make a cooing dove sound Charlie will hear and you give him a boost over the hedge while I distract the nurse." I say flipping the page again.

"Then Charlie lives a happy life with 60 year old grandma strippers and I've completed something on my bucket list." I finish letting him see the last page.

"What do I get out of this?" he asks.

"My happiness." I smirk. "You're my slave."

He rolls his eyes but says nothing.

So after I've found a bandana and find Charlie it's already almost three o'clock.

"Charlie!" I hiss from behind a corner as he walks with his designated nurse.

I guess he says something to the nurse because next thing I know the old man is in front of me.

"What Lacey?" He asks.

"Don't get an attitude with me granpappi. I'm here to help you." I say crossing my arms.

Time to turn up the sass.

"Eh?"

"Me and my friend are gonna get you out of here. Be at the garden at 3:00 and listen for the cooing dove. Follow the sound and my friend will boost you over the hedge." I say and turn on my heel.

I don't even wait for his reply as I wait for him by the door.

After waiting a few minutes it's hits 3 o'clock and several people are already here but I spot the old man and the nurse. When the doors are unlocked I walk out with Charlie.

Then I start my mission.

"Hey are you new around here?" I ask the nurse. He wasn't actually that ugly. He had a look about him that just reminded me of Logan Lerman. So I guess what I'm trying to say is the guy was so hot he melted my Popsicle. Wink, wink.

I actually felt bad for the nurse. He was assigned Charlie and Charlie was about to be long gone somewhere off at a granpappi stripper place.

"Yeah I started working here a few days ago actually." He smiles at me and I here the cooing dove sound- then a choking sound erupts.

Da fuq?

I narrow my eyes toward the bush. The nurse starts yelling at Charlie cause he boosts himself up by shoving Zayn on the ground and jumping over the hedge.

Isn't that a movie?

So basically I'm just standing there watching an old man fly off hospital property, the cute nurse running towards the hedge (I took the time to look at his tushie, you know you've looked at someone's butt too) , and my new 'acquaintance' lying on the cold hard ground gasping for air.

I walk over to Zayn and poke him.

"Are you dead?" I ask.

"Yes." he wheezes.

"Ohhh, so can I have your wallet?" I chirp.

After that he seems just fine and pulls himself up. "Only if you want to find it." he wiggles his eyebrow and gestures as if to say 'check my body.'

"I'm good, but maybe I could steal that cute nurses wallet." I say grinning. The poor guy still hasn't came back.

Zayn scoffs. "That guys nose was to big."

"As opposed to yours?" I ask.

"Have you seen my face? It was sculpted from the gods and sprinkled in sexiness." He says smirking.

"Sprinkled in asshole you mean." I grumble walking in.

He lightly shoves my and I make the best of it smirking to myself.

I drop to the ground convulsing and pretending to seizure. Okay... I know you shouldn't mess with people like that but I'm pulling a cancer card with that one; I'm about to die, let me live my life.

"Holy shit! Somebody help us-" he shrieks.

I sit up laughing at his reaction. "You should've seen your face." I laugh hysterically.

He glares at me. "I just didn't want to be the person to see you die. Then they would waste my time with questioning." He huffs and walks past me.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, tubby!" I call chuckling to myself standing up dusting off my hospital gown.

Well, I can mark one thing off my 'Things to do Before I Shrivel Up and Die' list.

Life is good (.0000000003 percent of the time.)