Just Another Cancer Patient

15 •Lacey•

Omgggg 13 days until I am another year older. And oh yeah.. 1.01k reads?! Thank you thank you thank you.

I can't even people, I can't even. Not proofread.

I know it's short. I promise the next one will be long.

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I went back in the room and notice it's empty. I notice a note on the bed as I walk to lay down again. I pick it and read it.

Lace, Momzilla is out to kill me. If you're reading this, I left so my punishment maybe wouldn't be death by febreeze bottle smashed into head. Haha see you later tonight, or rather, today.
-Zayn

I laugh at his stupidity and his chicken scratch font. It's a miracle I could make out what it said.

It was only three a.m., but there was no way I could sleep again, so I sighed and walked out of my room.

I decide to go for a walk. Three years and I hadn't even been in all the rooms in this place.

I decided that almost no one would be roaming the halls at this hour other than nurses who were working late and victims loved ones waiting and waiting for news. No one should say anything to me.

I thought of the night I had been officially claimed a long term patient to this hospital. No one had been waiting for me in those stupid plastic chairs.

Halle's words echo in my skull. Your cancer is spreading, and it's spreading fast.

It's like some cruel joke God or fate was playing on me. I finally make another friend, someone I can confide in, and so what happens? I get told my expiration date is approaching faster than ever.

I sigh and let my finger tips brush the ugly green wall as I walk. Sometimes I wonder if I was bipolar. My moods changed so fast. One hour I was happy and joining around. Then next I was contemplating the meaning of life. I knew it was just depression though.

Depression makes you think you're alone, that no one cares. It's a consuming disease that swallows your happiness and deteriorates it's victim from the inside out. Depression kills you.

Eventually I find myself outside. No one stopped me, which was strange, so I continued to walk.

I look around the parking lot and my eyes catch the highway off in the distance. Sometimes I thought about bad things- like suicide. I never went through with it though because my mom and dad wouldn't like that.

But nonetheless, sometimes I couldn't help but think about it.

I tried to do it once. A few years ago.

I sigh and just sit down thinking about various things.

Suddenly I realize I need to stop feeling pity for myself. It could be worse.

I get up and make my way back inside, once again, no one questions it. I look at the clock inside my room and notice I've been sitting out there a while and it was now ten.

I frown and see that Zayn was supposed to be here a while ago and sit on the bed.

After a couple seconds Halle walks in with my meds and Zayn is behind her. He looks sad which makes me sadder.

"I'll leave y'all to it." Halle says rolling the cart beside my bed and walking out, firmly closing the door behind her.

For some reason it seems tense and I don't like that. I hadn't done anything, that I was aware of anyway.

He picked up the shot to inject in my arm as I downed all the little powdery tablets next to the paper cup full of tap water.

He gently raised my sleeve to clean my arm with the alcohol pad. He never looked me in the eye as he says, "Halle told me you have a chemo appointment today. Why didn't you tell me?"

I knew he wasn't just talking about the appointment itself, he was speaking of why I hadn't said anything about getting worse.

"Because Zayn, I just found out this morning when you were gone." I say quietly. I was afraid if I spoke to loud in the small, suffocating room, the windows would crack.

He sighs agitatedly.

"But.... You've been doing so well..." He trails off as if seeking answers. Answers I couldn't provide him with.

"You can never tell with these type of things Zayn. They come and go as they please. I'll just have to do my best.." I murmur.

"I'll be there with you." He pushes the shot through the skin of my arm.

"Ok." I whisper, my eyes brimming with tears I couldn't explain.