NELLY

Prison=Peace: Chapter 1

"Say bih, if u gone be in here you should get use to conversating with a stranger."

"Bitch?!. . .My name is Natalie or Nelly and I prefer to not be your bitch."

"No harm meant Nelly, but you gone get use to being called a bitch real soon up in here. That's what all them guards gone call you." laughed Porsha as she jumped down from her bed and sat on the edge of mines. " And these Cleos, Holiday Hearts, and Juwanna Mans got even more names for ya. . . .What you in for?"

"Curve Balls. . . .curve balls I haven't learned to dodge yet got me here" I answered, hanging my family's pictures on the wall. " I got 5 months to do. What you here for?"

"Life got me here. A hard ass perfect life."

"What's your story Porsha. Hell I can't judge you?" I asked. I noticed she didn't answer. Looking over, I noticed her looking down with a smile filled with hurt and guilt, kicking her feet.

"I had what people considered a dream life" she answered softly. "My mom is an Nurse Practician and my dad owns a dozen grocery stores all over Georgia. Everyone wanted to be me, but just don't understand the hell I've been through. I've seen kids who moms and dads worked minimum wage jobs happier than me. Those kind of kids envied me growing up, not knowing that I envied their little broke worry free lives. I would've traded all of my parents gifts for a normal life. . . .normal loving life."

She paused and stopped kicking her feet. Looking at me, I could tell she had been through the wire.

" Nelly my mom was abusive. She beat me all the time. I was forced to participate in everything from ballet to cheerleading to pageants. And if I wasn't the best, I would get the best ass whoopin her hands could throw. She had to have everything perfect, and even I wasn't gonna get in the way of that. My dad was never home. Always visiting stores and from what the streets say, he had another family somewhere. She never beat me when he was home, but she would beat me because he left." She let out a deep breath and began to help me hang my pictures.

"One Christmas my mom had all of our family over. I was told that I would have to sing Silent Night for the fam and it had to be perfect. I song it and my family loved it. Well, when they left, I began to pick up all the wrapping paper off the floor. I heard her walk up behind me, and as I turned around I seen her coming at me with the Barbie Jeep that she had got me for Christmas. Before I could dodge her she struck me right on my back, hitting me so hard that 2 wheels broke off."

"What was her reason?" I asked, my eyes beginning to water.

"She said that I had song only two verses of Silent Night and I should've song all three. I had a bruise on my back that resembled a cow patch, covering my whole upper left shoulder."

"So you're in here for killing your mama?" I asked hoping she would say yes. For treating a child like that she needed to die!!

" No but I tried. That bitch was always too strong. She jumped on me the night of my senior prom. I was suppose to be home at 12:00 am but I was 6 minutes late. She said that I was too busy fuckin to come home on time. I'm not gone lie, that bitch was right. She beat my ass and I beat hers. I was tired Nelly. She spent 2 months in the hospital and I spent a week before they sent me to jail. She told them that I just came home and for no reason jumped on her. They sentenced me to 5 years one suspended. I have 4 months left in here. I haven't seen neither one of my parents since I've been here. But this is the most peace I've ever got since I've been living."

As Porsha continued to talked, I could tell that she just needed someone to vent to. I had been in the cell with her for 4 months and this was the 1st time we had ever talked. As she continued to tell stories of her mom's beatings, I looked at her. She was not your average prison girl. Porsha was beautiful. Long curly sandy brown hair and green eyes. She was kind of tall , but she had the body of Serena Williams. She read a lot too. Porsha wasn't a street girl. She probably was 2 steps from Yale before coming to prison. She didn't belong there.

"Say bih. . .I mean Nelly, are you gonna tell me your story or not?" joked Porsha. I couldn't help but laugh. I knew she meant no harm. Just as I started to talk, in walks KayKay. Kaykay was one of the Cleos and Juwanna Mans that Porsha was referring to. She was in the cell with us. Kaykay was a little older than me and Porsha and a lot more use to the prison life.

"Ohhhhhh!!! The dead has fuckin arisen" shouted Kaykay holding up her arms and standing over me and Porsha. "I didn't know you 2 ladies could speak. Unless ya'll just don't talk to me."

"We don't talk to thieves. Kaykay where are my cookies?!?! Yo fat ass always stealing food. If I had a brick with gravy, you'd find a way to chew through that!" joked Porsha. Kaykay sat down on the floor in front of us. She was enjoying our much needed conversation.

"So what we talking bout?" asked Kaykay

"How we ended up here" I answered.

"Well we know Porsha ain't no jail bird so what brings you to my world Nelly?" I sighed. I sometimes hated thinking about my past.

"Ever wonder if life was suppose to be the way it turned out. Ever wonder if you had some how disappointed God by always missing his life's lesson. I always end up on the wrong end of my life's fairy-tale. Wondering. Searching. Looking for love in all the wrong places. It's not until you end up in shit-holes like this that you start reevaluating your life. I ended up with this guy I'd known from elementary school. We. . .well I fell deep in love. So deep that we got pulled over with his drugs in the car and I took the blame. He had priors and was looking at 20 years. He told me that I would be eating steaks and shrimp while here, but that nigga ain't sent me any money since my 1st month in here. Crazy how women love so hard, only to be selling herself short in the end." I said, thinking of all the opportunities I had flushed down the drain for him. "Sad part about it is I don't regret it. I made peace with it. I sleep much better now that I stopped blaming him for my stay here.

" Mane don't feel bad. Over half the females here are in this place cause of a man. Us women love hard. Too damn hard" said Kaykay. "I know a thing or two about loving hard. Hell I loved my siblings so much that I would've killed for them. I had to always be the boss. Be strong be hard. My mom became paralyzed in a car wreck. My dad left her shortly after for another woman. He said he didn't have time to help her wash her ass all day. He had a life. I was forced to get it for my family. Me and my 2 older brothers. It's 7 of us. I been working the streets all my life. My mom would always preach to us about sticking together. She would beat the shit out of us if we fought each other. Family to her was all we had. Not one time did she try to talk us 3 into better options. No college no legal jobs. Always just sticking together and taking care of each other. I don't believe she gave a damn if I'd sold myself to get the money. While making sure we were close, her life lesson made me look at her different. Sometimes you gotta live for you. And that's what I'm gonna do this time around. Not for my siblings, but for me. I been in and out of here all my life. I'm done." she said in a demanding voice.

She was serious. We all were we had to make a life change.

"Lights out! You heard me. Ya'll bitches go to sleep." yelled Sgt. Morris. He was the ultimate asshole. The HNIC. . . .and kinda perverted.

"I'm glad I talked to ya'll. Ya'll some cool females. We gone boost each other up mane. We gone be alright" said Kaykay, happy to have some people in prison who actually took her serious. It was hard to with her being 5'3. You could tell she was from the streets tho, especially with that big scar over her eyes.

" Kaykay go to sleep and get out your feelings" I laughed. "Like you say Porsha we sleeping peacefully."
I know I was. But it's a damn shame when the only place you can find peace is prison. . . .