~<*>~ Pain in me ~<*>~

Chapter 34

When Dino wakes up, he has an enormous headache. He doesn't remember what happened, but when he opens his eyes and looks around, he notices he's in a hospital. With a sigh, Dino grabs his forehead and rubs his temples.
"What happened?" he mumbles softly while he sits up straight.
"You got kidnapped, then they put you in a freezer", a familiar voice says and Dino looks up surprised. 
"Joshua?" Dino asks confused. He honestly didn't expect his cold leader to be here for him. Joshua is standing with his back against the wall, right at the end of Dino's hospital bed.
"I'm not here for you, but for him", Joshua snaps while he points to his left with is head. Right there, Scoups is sitting down in a chair and it looks like he fell asleep.
"I once again had to get you two out of trouble", Joshua adds, locking eyes with Dino. Now, Dino remembers everything. The kidnapping, the torture, Scoups coming to save him and the moment in the freezer. Dino's eyes rest on Scoups while he asks Joshua about what happened.
"Did he get hurt?" Dino asks and Joshua scoffs.
"He was in a fucking freezer, almost froze to death, but he's fine", the leader states sarcastically and Dino rolls his eyes. 
"Well, I'm the one sitting in a hospital bed, aren't I?" Dino asks with a cold tone.
"And I'm glad it's not the other way around", Joshua says and Dino stares at him offended. The leader doesn't even try to hide the fact he hates Dino anymore.
"Why do you hate me so much?" Dino asks annoyed.
"Can't you see?" Joshua responds. "You always bring every other person here in danger. And when they die, you're not even sad about it!" Dino opens his mouth shocked, this even hurts him a little bit.
"I can't believe you think of me that way", Dino mutters and Joshua rolls his eyes.
"Okay, I'll show you. While rescueing you two, I killed Jisung, who had killed Aylen. Those two are dead", Joshua states and Dino stares at him in disbelief.
"Am I supposed to be sad for them? They're the enemies! This proves no point", Dino says, shaking his head.
"All right then, but you know they tried to kill Scoups and they thought they succeeded," Joshua says, "you must've been very happy when you saw him alive." 
"Of course I was", Dino answers confused. What is Joshua trying to prove?
"But you never thought of the fact that maybe someone else died instead?" Joshua asks and Dino finally understands.
"Oh, you mean Jun," Dino says, "it's very sad, but..."
"See! I don't think you fully understand", Joshua snarls. Only now, Dino notices that Joshua has come a lot closer to him.
"Jun is dead. He died. That's not just sad, it's heartbreaking. But you didn't even shed a tear", Joshua whispers angry. He is now only inches away from Dino's face and the younger blinks startled.
"I..., I...", Dino stutters, but he can't say anything to this. Luckily, Scoups' voice suddenly echoes through the room.
"Joshua? What are you doing?" he asks and Dino exhales relieved.
"Just checking his eyes to see if he's okay", Joshua answers unbothered while he takes some distance from Dino again. 
"Dino, you're awake", Scoups says and Dino smiles while they lock eyes. Maybe Joshua hates him, at least Scoups can make up for it with his love. Dino wouldn't know what to do without him. So yeah, maybe Dino should be more sad about Jun's death, but he can only think of how much worse it would have been if Scoups was the one who died.

~<*>~

Scoups breaths in the cold air while he walks towards jail. Dino can almost return home, but he wanted to stop by Wonwoo and Mingyu first and he wanted to do it alone, so Scoups decided to stop by Kyle again. It has been a while, but with all the drama in the group, Scoups hasn't had the time to go visit his friend. When he finally arrives, Scoups doesn't feel anything. And weird enough, that makes him proud. Scoups remembers the first times he visited Kyle, he constantly got nasty flashbacks of his time there, the fights, the times Scoups felt horrible. And lastly, but most importantly, Chan's voice. Even after his death, Chan succeeded to haunt Scoups until now, Scoups has learned to let it go. He let go of everything in his past, including Chan. After he took a deep breath, Scoups walks inside the building while he wipes his sweaty hands on his pants. Scoups can't hold back a smile when he sees Kyle, but his friend doesn't look good at all. His dark skin is even darker because of many bruises and Scoups fears the worst.
"Oh my god", Scoups mumbles while he sits down. Kyle even got a swollen eye, but the bald male just smiles, even though the smile is as fake as a plastic flower.
"They finally got me", he says and Scoups immediatly knows what Kyle is referring to. There's a group of criminals who they call 'the lions' and they are eager to catch a fight with whoever stands in their way. They got Scoups many times, but now Kyle seems to be their prey.
"How?" Scoups asks in disbelief. The time that Scoups was still in jail, Kyle always kept his calm, which seems to work with those guys because they soon lose interest. 
"They were talking shit about you, nasty shit. And I just couldn't hold it anymore", Kyle says shrugging and Scoups blinks shocked. Did Kyle get in a fight because of him?
"But I'm already out of jail for a while, why are they still shitting on me?" Scoups asks confused.
"Because you were my only friend and now they can pick on me", Kyle answers as if that's the most normal situation he has ever seen.
"But anyway," Kyle says, clearly wanting to change the subject, "it took you long to get here, I haven't seen you in a while." Scoups chuckles, it is true what Kyle says and something deep inside Scoups even missed this old man in all that chaos.
"Well, I was in a freezer", Scoups replies to which Kyle widens his eyes in disbelief. 
"You have got to be kidding me", Kyle states mindblown, but Scoups shakes his head chuckling. He tells the whole story, from Dino suddenly disappearing to the kidnapping and Joshua rescueing them. When Scoups is done, a brief silence falls down between the two. Kyle's eyes darken as he looks at Scoups and Scoups realizes this is the first time Kyle hears a death that Scoups has seen. Surely Scoups has talked about his time before jail, but he always left the deaths out because it hurt too much. Now, Scoups blurted Jun's death out and he doesn't really know what to do or say. What will Kyle think of him now? Like a murderer? Scoups is scared that Kyle might go feral on him, but instead, his friend tilts his head.
"It's not your fault." Kyle looks him in the eye while he says those four words. And then, something snaps. Before Scoups knows it, he breaks down crying. Maybe that was what Scoups needed to hear all this time, but never heard. It wasn't his fault. Immediatly, Kyle gets up and hugs Scoups tight.
"What about the cops?" Scoups asks sobbing, knowing Kyle isn't allowed to do this.
"Oh, fuck the cops", Kyle says while he rubs Scoups' back gently. Suddenly, Scoups didn't even care about other people watching him or a reputation he should hold high, it was just him and Kyle, right there, right then. Scoups wishes this moment would last forever, but the guards soon end it all. With an angry look, they part Kyle and him and Kyle gets another minute to say his goodbye before he has to go back to his cel. Scoups wipes his tears while Kyle takes his hand.
"To be honest, I was afraid you might have forgotten our promise", he whispers and Scoups looks up surprised.
"I would never forget", he says and Kyle smiles relieved.
"You know it isn't that long anymore, right?" Kyle informs him, suddenly sparkling with excitement. Scoups smiles warmly and nods.
"Who knows, maybe the next time I see you, you're free man", Scoups says and Kyle smiles, he keeps on smiling when the cops take him away.
"Remember, your only good excuse not to come pick me up when I'm free is when you're dead!" Kyle still shouts before he disappears behind the walls. Scoups exhales deeply, he will make sure he won't disappoint another friend. Disappointing Jun was already the worst thing Scoups could do. So Scoups made himself a promise, right at that moment. He will make sure in all his power to be there when Kyle is free.

~<*>~

Dino knocks on the door, he's finally at Wonwoo's place. The doctors let Dino go pretty quickly, so Dino is already out the hospital. But he still wanted to stop by Wonwoo and Mingyu because he hasn't seen the two in a while. Dino wonders if they're even aware of his kidnapping. After what felt like ages, someone finally opens the door. Dino looks up and stares right into Mingyu's eyes. His long hair is starting to curl, which surprises Dino a little. 
"Can I come in?" Dino asks when Mingyu still blocks his way. The taller still hasn't said a word and he looks back before he answers.
"I don't think that's a good idea," he says, "Wonwoo is still sleeping, I think it's better if you just head home." Dino blinks at Mingyu shocked, he can't believe he's being rejected right now. He just came from the hospital! Dino wants to make a comment, but another voice sounds through the room.
"I'm awake, actually, so it's okay", Wonwoo says and when Dino looks at him, he gets startled. Wonwoo looks bad, really bad. So tired, and he is wearing a cap. His glasses only show two eyes that don't seem to actually see anything, they just look without watching. It's like Wonwoo is a body without a soul.
"So are you coming in or not?" Mingyu asks, a bit impatient and Dino hurries inside. He came here for a reason.
"How are you?" Dino asks careful and Wonwoo only shrugs.
"I'm alive", he says and Dino doesn't really know what to do with that. 
"Where have you been?" Mingyu suddenly asks, clearly angry. Dino stares at him offended, is he serious right now?
"Where have I been!? I was kidnapped, I just came from the hospital! Where, by the way, I haven't seen any of you two! Even Joshua came by, but you two never came! So where were you?" Dino asks and Wonwoo gasps.
"You were in the hospital?" he asks shocked and Dino would normally explain everything, but now he's too angry to do so. He thought that Wonwoo and Mingyu were his friends, but they didn't even care enough to stop by.
"Didn't Joshua tell you?" Dino snaps.
"He did tell me", Mingyu says and Dino feels like a knife is stabbed inside his heart.
"Why didn't you come?" Dino asks hurt.
"I have a life of my own, you know. Sometimes, I just can't come", Mingyu says while he looks into Dino's eyes as if he's challenging him to object. Dino crosses his arms and scoffs.
"Joshua also has a life, but he could come. Does that mean that he cares more about me than you do? Are you really that bad of a friend? I thought you would at least care a little bit about me", Dino says and he notices Mingyu clenching his fists. 
"I was always there for you, I supported you, I even took you into my house!" Dino exclaims, now turning towards Wonwoo. 
"I can't believe you could stab me in the back like this", he adds. Dino feels betrayed, he expected more of his friends.
"I have cancer", Wonwoo blurts out and both Dino and Mingyu widen their eyes in shock.
"What?" Dino asks surprised.
"Wonwoo, you don't have to...", Mingyu says, but Wonwoo interrupts him.
"I have cancer," he repeats, "there's only little chance that I will survive. I'm too weak to even participate in our group's acitivities, Mingyu stays home with me to take care of me. I really try to be there for you, I really do. But this cancer is stronger than me sometimes. I couldn't even be at Jun's funeral, do you even know how heartbreaking that is? So I'm sorry if I'm not the friend you wanted me to be, but don't you dare pull Mingyu into this. He's the only one taking care of me, so he is dependable on my state. He is hurting, I can see it, maybe even more than I am. Because he is still strong enough to go to all those activities like skydiving, funerals, robberies, rescues, visiting people, but he can't because of me." A silence falls down between them and Dino sees the tears running down Wonwoo's cheeks as he takes of his cap and shows his bald head. He didn't get shorter hair for fun, he got it because of the chemo. 
"But why did you lie to me? I could've helped you!" Dino objects.
"Could you? What would you have done? I didn't want anyone's pity, I still don't. I want to stay in an imagination for as long as I can, I don't want to spend the rest of my life with sadness. This is the first time I spoke it out loud, do you know that? I never talked about it before, Mingyu had to tell Joshua. And only he and you know. Please keep it a secret and act as if nothing's wrong. Please", Wonwoo says and Dino wants to say something, but suddenly, the door bursts open and Joshua is standing in the doorway with a furious look on his face.
"What the hell is going on here!?" he asks and Dino realizes that a crying Wonwoo is not a good sight right now in Joshua's eyes.