MIDNIGHT DAYDREAM

Chapter 10

Porchay feels like he is inside the ocean. His mind is diving so deep, only being submerged to take a breather for two seconds.

But the waves are fun ones that have him giggling and laughing. He likes how thoughtless he is right now. There is nothing inside of his brain, just an injection of happy shots the more glasses of whatever it was he gulped.

He needs that, this. Otherwise, he will be trapped in his own mind again, his feelings. His overthinking.

Back in London, he was so sure he was over Kim and everything attached to him. But here in Bangkok, all that effort was wasted. To be fair, Kim doesn't play fair. He ambushed him with a different persona, a darker sexier one that lured him again even when he knew he would be bruised and hurt.

No one can live in the world The Theerapanyakuls and his brother live in without getting hurt.

He also can't blame Kim for it. Kim wasn't the one who dragged him there, his brother did. He actually wanted to spare him some mercy by rejecting him. He thought that doing so, made Chay stray away from the mafia world. That was why as soon as he found out Chay still would be dragged no matter what, he messaged Chay again.

See, Chay is not stupid. He was brokenhearted but never stupid.

He knew what Kim had done for him and probably could guess what the older really felt about him because of that. No one went to a warehouse full of people with one backup and ignored the rest of the backups his brother sent because he thought it was too long to wait for a nobody. He shot like a maniac that day, people said. Only to get Chay and get out. He didn't care about Porsche, not even sparing more than a glance.

Chay is not stupid, ok? He knows what Kim's action screamed as.

Sure, because of his broken heart, Chay agreed to go away. It was because the thought of seeing Kim again was enough to send him overdrive. In the past, he was so fixed on the way Kim reacted that day.

Kim said 'sorry' then leaving him to cry his heart out. He was convinced Kim didn't love him back. He just pretended and acted. What happened between them was never real.

But time was a scary thing. When he can think rationally again, he realizes Kim never said he didn't love him back. His sorry was for something else. Maybe about the way he lied to Chay at the beginning, maybe about his motive, maybe both.

But that guy did feel something for Chay. He is sure of it. He will bet his own life for it.

And because he isn't stupid, Chay knows he never 'unloved' Kim. He simply ignored the feeling for his survival. Simply tucks it in the back of his mind.

It only took one glance to make it sprout again and come back to life.

But maybe, it's not exactly an old feeling coming back. This Kim is a new breed kind of Kim. Maybe, this feeling is a new kind too.

He knows this is the real Kim. A mafia prince who lives mainly in the shadows, who is killed without even batting an eye, who is capable of things that Chay doesn't think the old 'Kim' can. He heard stories about him that made Chay believe the one he fell in love with never existed in the first place.

But Kim these days has shown him he is also still capable of things that are sweet and soft, like the past Kim. His voice, it changes depending on his mood. Chay noticed this. The way Kim talks to him is different from the way he talks to his subordinates or his brothers and cousins.

Chay likes the contrast of it. It makes him feel special. Like Kim reserved that tenderness he was capable of only for Chay. 'Tell me you are not flattered if a guy like Kim treats you that way', someone in the back of Chay's mind says.