Get Lost With You (The Lost Souls on Tour: The Fourth Tour)

Stage 20

Stage 20

Hindi nawala sa isip ko ang nangyari kanina. I was so sure that...there is something beneath his grins. 

Is he...

Agad kong tinext si Rance. The Fuerza is still guarding Florine and Luis up until now and they are still trying to make them talk about the syndicate. But the thing is...they are so hard to deal with. Especially Luis.

"Wala pa ring balita," he sighed heavily. 

Hindi ako sumagot. I already expected that to happen. I know they will do anything to silence everyone. Kaya kapag may kumanta, paniguradong may kapalit. at ang malala pa roon, baka buhay pa ang kukuhanin nilang kapalit. 

"I'll visit the agency. I will ask permission."

Napatingin sa akin si Rance. "Ano'ng balak mo?"

"I want...to end this, Rance."

Because it will be hard for me to be neared to him. Baka kahit ano'ng pilit ko na huwag diligan ang nararamdaman ko sa kaniya, baka kusa pa rin itong tumubo. 

The reality made me realize that I need to...end everything. To finish my job and just do the thing that was meant for me to do in this life. That...this thing has been always my life mission. That I am not meant to be happy at all. That I am not meant to have a normal life at all. 

"Cianna..."

Umiwas ako agad ng tingin pagkabalik ko ng classroom. Bumungad sa akin si Andrius na may hawak na supot ng pagkain at tila ba'y hinihintay ako. God knows how much I want to accept it, to act normal around him. To act someone who is me because fuck...this is not me. Pero kapag ginawa ko naman iyon, paulit-ulit lang din naman akong sasampalin ng reyalidad ko. 

Hindi naman kasi ako makakapili, e. Kahit gusto kong tumakas sa mundo ko, hindi ko naman iyon magagawa kung siya ang gusto kong kasama na tumakas dito. Because he is part of this reality...but also part of my dreams and that dream will never be reached by me. Because this is my end. That even though he is here in my reality, he is stil unreachable to me.

"Hindi ako gutom," malamig kong ani at saka naupo na sa upuan ko. 

"Just...just eat it later."

Hindi ako sumagot. Buong klase namin ay hindi ko siya kinausap o hinawakan man lang binigay niya sa aking pagkain. I don't want to give him false hope. And especially, I don't want to give myself a false hope...

Umalis ako agad pagka-dismiss at iniwan ang supot sa upuan ko na tila hindi ito nag-eexist sa mundo ko. I know that it will hurt him but this will be the best for the both of us rather than let ourselves be together when in the first place, there's always a huge wall between us. 

Nagpaalam ako kay Abuela tungkol sa balak ko. She agreed and gave me permission but it's only a one time since I still don't have my license yet. But once is already enough for me. I won't definitely waste this chance and end this mission right away and do my other responsibilities. 

Busy kami sa lahat ng gawain dahil sa finals pero sa lahat yata sa amin ay ako ang mas walang ginagawa dahil sa totoo lang, wala rin naman kasing patutunguhan pa dahil...hindi ko na balak dito magtapos. 

Yes, I need my diploma but definitely not in this school. I already have plans to go to Spain after this mission and continue my studies there. Balak ko rin na doon na ako magtuloy ng training ko para sa agency lalo na at halos lahat naman ng mga Guerrero ay nandoon. And I am sure that Abuela will agree since I am still unexperienced when it comes to this. 

Buong week busy ang school lalo na sa paparating na bazaar. Bukod pa roon, busy rin dahil sa research defense para sa PR 2 kaya hindi ko na alam ang gagawin kung paano ko pa iiwasan si Andrius. I mean, yes it's a good thing that he was here so I could protect him. But also, there's no boundaries between us. 'Yon ang kulang. I have to be around him but it doesn't mean that I have to have some connections with him.