teacher's pet

letting go

𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘨𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳

≛

karl feels hopelessly and irrevocably alone.

sitting in his room, staring at his phone screen, he's struggling to think of any of the reasons he once had to try and be happy.

when he first started self-harming a few months ago now, he told himself he should stop because he has so many good things going for him and his life isn't bad enough for him to be at this point. now, he can't remember what those reasons were, or if they ever really existed.

the only thing in his head is the message on his phone and the dead weight in his chest, pulling him down.

lucas
if you tell anyone, you'll ruin my life. i will lose everything i ever had and it will be your fault and i will never forgive you, and neither will all the other people you'll hurt in the procress. you're just as guilty as me karl, don't think anyone will see you as a victim.

the message came out of the blue, nothing to prompt it, and it only reminds karl of the threat that lucas put in place when he made him swear to keep their relationship to himself.

he feels hopeless.

he wrote that letter last night, confessing everything that happened, but now he is realising that he can't do anything with it. he can't ever tell anyone what he has been through because the repercussions of his truth are too terrifying.

and lucas is right, karl is equally guilty of their affair. he stayed with the man, knowing he has a family. maybe he was emotionally manipulated, but he still knew what he was doing. he understood the age gap and the rules of their teacher-student roles and the danger of it all, and he didn't care.

he could confess, but no one would look at him the same. the word would get out, lucas would lose his job but it wouldn't be enough to incriminate him, especially considering it was wholly consensual, and the older man would only want vengeance. karl would ruin his life and it only makes sense that lucas would want to get back at him.

karl is petrified that he can't even think of what lucas could possibly do other than turn the whole thing around to make himself into the victim. in this case, no one would believe karl anyway and his entire confession would be pointless.

no one is going to believe the word of a mentally ill teenager over a respected teacher and father of two. all lucas would have to say is "that's not true" and everything would crumble.

how could karl possibly go about this to make people believe him?

the brunette shakes off the first thought that comes to his mind but then it comes back again, and he looks around his room, noting how alone he is.

not just now, but in the grand scheme of things. his family don't care to understand him and his only friend seems to put everyone else above karl on the scale of importance. lucas was the only person who made karl feel like a priority and now he realises that was fake. it was all fake.

and karl is stupid for ever believing it. for thinking, for once, he could be something special.

he has never and will never be important.