Your Starless Eyes Remain || A Gerard Way Fanfic

{ 6 } Sickness & Regret

DISCLAIMER : This is a pretty sensitive chapter; Including descriptions of : A hangover, panicking, and a mental breakdown

     I wake up in the morning feeling numb and nauseous, I can't feel much of anything except for confusion. I remembered that Gerard took me to his place last night, so I wasn't too concerned about that. I was more concerned about what I did because my memories of last night were completely gone-- corrupted. I couldn't retrace what happened no matter how hard I tried. I felt my heart beginning to race, and my stomach getting queasy.

     I turn to my left and see Gerard still asleep. I need to wake him up before these feelings get worse.

     "Ge- Gerard?" I speak, my voice is hoarse. I gently shake him and he turns over, quickly sitting up.

     "Oh, you're awake. Thank God." He looks relieved as his eyes meet mine. I look away, and I feel my whole body begin to tremble. Shit.

     "Hey, hey. What's going on? Talk to me. Do you need me to give you a rundown of what happened last night?"

      I nod in response. His words are soft and reassuring, I wrap my arms around my legs as I feel his left arm go around my shoulders. I'm shaking like crazy, and it's hard to get any words out. I was scared that if I did open my mouth, I'd immediately start crying. I felt as if I wasn't close enough to Gerard to full-on bawl in front of him.

     "Alright, so... you got drunk. It was too much, I think. You were barely conscious when I brought you here, but you were able to talk. I'm not sure if you remember that, but anyway... Frank was trying to hook up with you, I think? Now, I'm not sure if you willingly were doing it too, but I'm heavily concerned about it. I don't want you to be around Frank for a while, at least not until I talk to him about this." Gerard explains, and my heart immediately drops to my stomach.

      "Oh, wh- what the fuck." My voice quivers, the shaking in my limbs has decreased a little more now that I know what happened, but it didn't completely help. I didn't think Frank would be that type of a guy, you know? I mean, maybe his intentions were pure, but still, you can't consent to that shit.

     "Yeah. I'm fucking pissed with him. I fully blame him for this situation. You didn't know. I'm sorry, Linnea. I don't ever want you to be in a scenario like this again. If someone is pressuring you to drink, no matter who it is, just don't do it, okay?"

     "I don't know why I drank. I just don't understand why I gave in so ea- easily." I stare blankly at the wall in front of me, trying so hard not to let any tears escape. Why the fuck was I so stupid? 

     "It'll be alright, I promise. Have you ever drunk before?"

     "Yeah, but it's never been this extreme. I'm honestly just going to assume there was something else in that. I..." I trail off. I immediately shut my lips and my eyes widen as I realize what's about to happen. I cover my mouth, speed-walking out of his bedroom as he quickly gets up and follows after me. I'm easily able to find the bathroom, thank fuck. I kneel in front of the toilet, nearly puking my guts up. 

     "This is so fucking embarrassing." I think to myself as I keep throwing up, my hands gripping the outside of the toilet bowl.

     "Linnea, oh my fucking God." Gerard gets down on the floor next to me, holding my hair back as the vomiting steadily comes to an end. I'm nearly on the verge of tears. This is not what I wanted to happen at all first thing in the morning.

     I close the toilet lid, my face bright red, my makeup from last night smeared all over my face as I slide myself up against the bathtub, burying my face in my hands.

     "Okay, yeah. You're not drinking, like... ever. Again. Fuck, are you okay?" Gerard attempts to work with me but I refuse to open my mouth. I'm a mess. A fucking mess. I barely even know Gerard that well, and here he is taking care of my hangover. I feel terrible. My brain was so loud with regret I couldn't speak even if I wanted to. I clearly can't handle it anymore, I break down.

     The last thing I wanted was to cry, but it's happening and I can't stop it. I feel so horrible for being a burden to Gerard like this. I like him so much and this is his first impression of me. I fucked up bad.

      "Hey, hey, hey. Come on. Please don't cry. I hate seeing you like this, Linnea. I know that you're strong, you can get through this. I know you will. Is there anything I can do? Anything at all?"

      "Ju- Just... Just take me home." I wipe away the tears that are trickling down my cheeks using my thumbs, and I attempt to recollect myself. I felt worse the more I stayed in Gerard's house. He wasn't supposed to see me like this, no one was. I suppose this makes him more special than anyone I've ever met, right?

     I stand up, and Gerard does as well.

     "Oh- Okay. Alright, um. Are you sure? Do you want me to stay at your place for a little? I gotta make sure you don't die or some shit. I don't want that happening."

     "Ah, no, really, I'll be fi- fine. My apartment is a mess ri- right now anyway."

     "If you say so. I want you to take the day off tomorrow though, alright? I've got some stuff to handle and I need you to not be at work when I do it, or at campus for that matter. I want you to rest, recollect yourself, and ensure you're completely okay before doing anything else. Does that sound okay? Will you do that for me?"

      Gerard gently holds my forearms as he says this, his eyes peering into mine with a glint of sincerity. Despite how miserable I feel right now, there are still butterflies fluttering around in my stomach, a warm hue to my cheeks, and a fast rhythm in my heart. He knew how to work through situations like this, which I appreciated more than he could ever know. Especially for someone he's known for about 4 days, like holy hell he's fucking amazing.

     "Ye- Yes. I can do that." I give a weak but reassuring smile.

     "Alright."

      He leads me out of the bathroom, and we head out the front door and to his car. I get in the passenger seat and he gets into the driver's seat, starting up the car.

     As he pulls out of his driveway, I gaze out the window, a million thoughts racing through my head with each passing second. I've felt so many different emotions in the past week, it made me feel like I was going insane. They were confusing and complicated, but I wasn't afraid to explore them.

     I know what I feel for Gerard, and what I hope he feels for me, is real. I can just tell, you know? From the first interaction, I knew he was the one. Whether that's platonic or romantic, I don't care at this point. I'm so lucky to have him in my life and there's still so much to get to know and learn about him.

     I roll the window down halfway, feeling the cold air blow against my face seems to help calm my nerves. I am doing better now, not 100%, but I'm okay. I feel like I can get through anything with Gerard by my side. I glance over at him, a pink hue rushes to my cheeks once again and I feel a smile creeping up on my lips.

     He's so fucking gorgeous it should be illegal.