The Piece of Him That I Lost

Chapter 15. The beginning of cold war

Silence took over after the first sentence I uttered. I can feel that he was shocked by what I've just told him. And I wanted to run away. I want to disappear. I want to be dead right now.

I felt ashamed of myself, and I didn't like it at all. I wasn't happy that I admitted my feelings; I was embarrassed by my own words. I felt ashamed that I said those kinds of words in front of him. How foolish I am to say this kind of stuff without thinking carefully.

"No, I mean—I've started to fall in love; I don't know." I explained quickly. I don't want Lune to feel bad about it.

He didn't respond to anything. I felt like I messed it up. I really messed it up. I felt so ashamed of what I'd done. What kind of girl does what I have done? A very stupid one.

I turned my eyes towards Lune, who was looking at the ground silently, still standing there staring at his feet. His lips were pressed together tightly. I watched as he clenched his jaws and exhaled deeply.I could sense his distress and was still shocked.

"I'm sorry, I know it's completely bizarre to tell you this out of nowhere, but," I gasped while explaining to him. I don't even know if I should finish the sentence because I feel like he would reject me or something else. "I think I will lose my mind if I don't tell you—I'm thinking about you lately!" I finished.

He kept silent after I said all of that. I waited for any kind of response, but none of them came.

Finally, he spoke. "How did this happen?"

All my blood drained away in my veins when he told me that, because I thought that I should've expected something like that to happen, but I didn't expect him to react in the same way he did. I saw his eyebrows raised in surprise, which gave me the impression that he was trying to process everything I just told him.

"What do you mean?" I asked. I tried to play innocent because I didn't want to get a response that I was afraid of.

I'm starting to get scared that he will reject me if he finds out about everything.
"Ashton, it is absurd!" A heavy sigh escaped from his lips after he said that. 

"Why do you have to do this?"

This caught me by surprise. "What are you talking about?" I asked.

"I mean, you know perfectly well that the relationship we have is not what you think," he says.

I felt the cold run up to my spine. My knees became so weak that I wanted to fall down and cry again. But I fought against myself. It was terrible that I was rejected and that this man, who I thought had the same feelings as mine, was completely different.

"W-what—I don't understand; are you rejecting me?" I asked in disbelief, my voice sounding like my throat was full of sand.

"You know perfectly well what I'm going to say," he answered.

"No." I breathed heavily. "I thought you were feeling the same way as mine!"
 
I cried while I stared down at my hands and clenched them. My heart started racing faster, and faster, and faster. Tears ran down my cheeks. My whole body is shaking; I'm shaking so much.

A long sigh left his lips. "I don't want you to do this, Ashton!" 

"Why?" I cried. "Because I was going to get married?" I laughed bitterly while wiping my tears. "Or because you know how I actually feel?" I questioned. 

"Because you were going to find the guy that you love—and you know I'm not the one you belong to," he said. "And I was a married man!" 

I looked back at his face. I can't tell whether he's hurt or angry; I know it can't be the latter.