~<*>~ Pain in me ~<*>~

Chapter 35

"I'm sorry", Dino whispers before he runs away and leaves. Wonwoo takes a deep, shaky breath while he feels Joshua's eyes burning on him. Mingyu reacts quickly and hugs Wonwoo tight. Wonwoo buries his face into Mingyu's chest and sobs his heart out. He didn't realize it was this difficult for him to actually say his cancer out loud. He's already walking around with it for over a year, it's only now Wonwoo really cries about it. Why? Probably because only now he can't pretend he doesn't have cancer anymore. It's now that Wonwoo wishes the most that he could just throw his lungs out and be normal again. But that is not possible for Wonwoo anymore, he has this cancer in his lungs for the rest of his pityfull life. 
"It's okay, you were very brave", Mingyu whispers and Wonwoo lets the words comfort him, even though he still finds it weird. Wonwoo never liked the fact that Mingyu is a year younger than him and he still has to look out for Wonwoo. Joshua is still staring at him in silence, Wonwoo is glad that he gives him a moment before he gets all angry. 
"What was that?" Joshua asks when a few minutes have passed. 
"He told Dino," Mingyu says, "which you didn't have to because he was a total douchebag." Wonwoo's face is still buried in Mingyu's chest, but he knows Joshua is widening his eyes in shock.
"Wonwoo told Dino? Not you?" he asks and Wonwoo feels Mingyu nodding his head. Only now, Wonwoo lets go of Mingyu and faces Joshua after he cleaned his glasses. 
"Is it that much of a surprise?" he asks, meaner than he had meant to.
"I'm sorry, it's just that...", Joshua mumbles and Wonwoo sighs.
"I know. All this time I have been trying to avoid this stupid disease, but I can't hide forever. I have decided that I will no longer hide. I will accept it and I will tell everyone myself, eventually. Jun's death really made me think, I always thought that I was going to die first, but others are still living their dangerous lives. So maybe it's time to tell them some day. It's time for me to quit being a coward." Wownoo's words die down while the room is silent.
"I'm very proud of you", Joshua says softly.
"Me too", Mingyu adds and Wonwoo smiles thankful. These may be the last moments Wonwoo has and he wants to spend them useful. 
"But what was that about Dino being a douchebag?" Joshua asks and Wonwoo feels that the leader is getting a bit tensed. Wonwoo guesses he already had a fight with Dino today, which could also be the cause of Dino's rude behavior a few minutes ago.
"Dino was scolding us for not being there," Mingyu answers, also getting mad, "he dared to be angry at Wonwoo for leaving him behind, he even called him a bad friend!" Wonwoo suddenly feels uncomfortable hearing this, he doesn't know Dino like this and he doesn't want to accept that Dino might think of him that way.
"It wasn't that bad",  Wonwoo mutters, but Mingyu stares at him in disbelief.
"It wasn't that bad? You broke down in tears and you even had to tell him you had cancer because that was the only way to shut his big, rude mouth!" Mingyu yells angry and Wonwoo flinches under the words. He doesn't want to hear this. But Wonwoo notices that Joshua is looking at him while he clenches his fists.
"Is that true?" Joshua asks and Wonwoo stares at him for a few seconds before he slowly nods his head. He can't deny what happened, he has to accept it. Dino didn't know, how could he? Wonwoo never told him and Dino was probably still shocked from his kidnapping. But Dino did say the words, and that is something he can never undo.
"I have had it with him", Joshua grits through his teeth and Wonwoo looks up surprised. He knows Joshua is up to something and he doubts if it is something good.
"What are you doing?" Wonwoo asks while Joshua is on his way to the front door.
"I'm going to show Dino what you get when you think the world is turning just for you", Joshua says as he opens the door.
"Can we help?" Mingyu asks, making Joshua stop his tracks to turn around.
"How could you? You're not even..." Joshua doesn't finish his sentence, but they all know what he wanted to say. You're not even part of the team. Joshua presses his lips in a thin line before he turns around again and leaves, closing the door behind him. Wonwoo and Mingyu are left alone again, speechless. Mingyu sighs deeply and walks off to sit on the couch and Wonwoo follows him. For a while, the two friends just sit next to each other in silence, not saying a word. But then, Mingyu opens his mouth.
"I hate that it feels like it's us against the world", he states and Wonwoo's eyes soften looking at him. He gets what Mingyu is feeling, no one ever wants to include them, no one visits, and if they do, it's just to tell them how bad of a friend they are. It is partly their fault, they should've told everyone in what state Wonwoo is, but it still hurts. 
"Well, then we'll hold hands and fight the best we can", Wonwoo answers, trying to cheer him up. He grabs Mingyu's hand and the taller smiles sad. Wonwoo couldn't be more thanfkul for his friend, he gave up his whole life just to be there for Wonwoo. Wonwoo believes that is the best someone could have ever done for him. 
"But what will I do when you're gone and I have no one left to hold hands with?" Mingyu asks, his voice trembling and tears in his eyes. 
"Then you'll use that hand to punch every douchebag who tries to hurt you. I will be there to guide you, even though it will not be physically. I will always be there." Hearing those words, Mingyu hugs Wonwoo again, but this time it's Mingyu who breaks down sobbing. Wonwoo wishes he could do more than just say nice words or promises. Wonwoo really wishes he could change his fate and get rid of his cancer, but he knows he can't. And every day that passes, Wonwoo realizes how little his chance of survival is. And even if he survives, he will always have to live like this. How long will he be able to hold on? Hasn't everybody already given up? They are all acting like Wonwoo is about to die anyway, so what's the point? Wonwoo has to admit he has wanted to end it all a few times. But looking at Mignyu, at the best friend Wonwoo could ever wish for, he changes his mind. How could he leave Mingyu after everything they have been through? No, Wonwoo will fight and keep himself here for as long as he can, just for Mingyu. Wonwoo will make it until Christmas, he has to.

~<*>~

Scoups looks at Vernon and Seungkwan worried. He still doesn't know if moving out is a good idea.
"Are you sure you will be fine?" Scoups asks and the two roommates nod their heads laughing.
"Yes, now please go live in your own house again", Vernon says and Scoups grabs his bag.
"But promise me to call me when you need me, okay?" he asks and Seungkwan nods while he gently pushes Scoups towards the door.
"Yes, we will. Now go", he says and Scoups waves them goodbye before he leaves. Scoups has to have faith in them, Vernon is a smart guy and he will know how to comfort Seungkwan, and Seungkwan is already doing better. He's crying less and he can talk about Jun again, which is great. So maybe they indeed will be fine. With a smile, Scoups walks towards his own appartment. When he enters, the house is empty. Scoups quickly opens a window because you can clearly smell that no one has lived here for a few days. Dino will probably still be at Wonwoo's place, so Scoups doesn't have to worry. It strangely feels good to be home again. Scoups drops his bag in his room and walks towards the kitchen to take a glass of water. The water feels fresh and Scoups thinks back about his visit to Kyle. He can't believe he cried in jail, in public. But Kyle strangely always knows what you need to hear. Scoups prays that he's okay because the bruises didn't look so great. But on the other hand, it won't take long before Kyle is free, he just has to hold on a little longer. Scoups can't wait for his friend to be free again. Kyle deserves to be happy and maybe he can finally open the shop he has been talking about in jail. A candy shop or something, Scoups didn't really get everything. But Scoups is sure that when Kyle succeeds in opening the shop, he will deffinitely stop by. Scoups exhales and refills his glass, Dino still hasn't showed up. Right when Scoups is starting to worry, the brunette enters the house. Scoups looks up curious, but his smile drops down when he notices Dino has been crying. Scoups gets up immediatly and blocks Dino's path. He wants to know what's going on.
"What's wrong?" Scoups asks concerned, but Dino doesn't even look him in the eyes.
"Nothing", he says and he wants to walk further, but Scoups holds him back.
"I can see it in your eyes, Dino. You can tell me", Scoups says, but Dino stays silent. The two friends keep standing there for a while, in silence. Then, Scoups sighs and gives up. He walks back to the kitchen table to take his glass of water and he puts the glass away while he hears Dino following him from behind. Scoups doesn't like this, he wants to know what's bothering Dino so he can help, but he doesn't want to force Dino either. So Scoups just stays silent and sits down at the kitchen table, scrolling through his phone. It takes a while, but eventually, Dino sits down right next to him and plays with his fingers. Scoups knows the younger is hesitating, doubting whether he should tell Scoups or not. Scoups decides that Dino should do it himself, so he stays quiet. Then, out of nowhere, Dino speaks up.
"Wonwoo has cancer", Dino mumbles and Scoups widens his eyes in shock while he almost drops his phone.
"What?" he asks and Dino exhales deeply.
"I know, I was shocked too. But it is bad, Scoups, really bad. He's dying and I was there just scolding them. Why didn't they tell me?" Dino rants and Scoups has trouble believing the news.
"Maybe it was hard for him to talk about it?" Scoups guesses, but he doesn't have a single clue.
"Am I that bad of a friend? First I scolded him and then, when he told me, he asked me to keep it a secret. Look at me now, I already ruined it", Dino says desperate and Scoups rubs his back comforting.
"You're not a bad friend, you're both going through a hard time. You didn't know and when Wonwoo told you, it was a big shock. I promise I won't tell anyone else, but you can talk to me about it, okay?" Scoups tries to assure Dino and the brunette nods his head.
"Now you should get some rest, you're probably really tired from everything that happened", Scoups adds and Dino gets up to go to his room. But suddenly, he gets a message on his phone. When he opens it, he looks up surprised.
"Joshua wants to meet me tomorrow", he says in disbelief.
"That's something for tomorrow", Scoups waves it off, Dino should really get some rest now. Dino shrugs and walks towards his room, leaving Scoups behind. Scoups can't really believe it, Wonwoo has cancer? He feels really bad for him, Scoups prays that Wonwoo will survive. He can't have another loss, not now.