Inescapable

Ch. 13

You shake off the muscle ache you have from the workout Nat just put you through, walking and stretching your way to the elevator. When the door closes you speak up, "Where is he J?" The clear voice of the AI answers almost immediately. "He's in the lab Miss." Of course he is, between missions Tony is practically living in the lab. A part of you knows he's trying his hardest to keep you safe, but a part of you worries it's something more. It's almost been a year since everything happened, and apart from holding your hand and kisses on your head or cheek, Tony doesn't touch you. You're starting to worry he's lost all interest in you that way, or that he can't bear to have you after so many men took their fill of you. Maybe it was the scars? You couldn't be sure. But you knew it was something you had to finally let out in the open. Tony and you always were open with one another, before everything. You needed that again, even if it ended with your broken heart. "Miss?" JARVIS snaps you out of your raging thoughts. "To the lab J, please."

"Of course, Miss."

When you exit the elevator and reach the door of the lab, you can see from your spot that he's engrossed in something. A part of you almost pulls away and leaves the same way you came. But you push through the heavy glass door and come up behind him. "Tones?"

He jumps as if he hadn't heard you come in and brings his hand to his chest. "Crap! Scared the shit out of me honey! Do I need to put a bell on ya?" You smile a little at his quip, you find yourself surprised to feel how much you'd missed that. "Sorry..." Your shocked to hear how downtrodden you sound. You shake it off and straighten yourself up, confidence to continue. Your voice sounds stronger when you speak again. "Tones. Can we talk?"

He slides off his chair and leads you over to the nearby couch you know he's recently spent nights sleeping on. "Of course. Is something wrong?" You sigh at how he responds to you with kid gloves again, like he's been doing for quite some time now. You let a bit of hurt and surprisingly anger seep into your voice. "I don't know Anthony. Is there?"

He pulls back, confused. "Anthony?"

You stop him before he can continue. "Do you still want to be with me Tony? Because if you don't, just tell me. I'd rather rip out the band-aide. So just tell me."

His face contorts between confusion and pain. He grabs your hand and stares into your eyes. "Sweetheart, why would you even think that?"

You rip your hands from his and stand, now upset that he's down-playing what you think is completely obvious. You start to pace as you talk. "I rarely ever see you anymore Tony, between missions and locking yourself in the lab!" You turn to look at him as you continue, "you used to tell me everything! We talked!" You turn around, not daring to look at him for this next part. "You barely look at me! You don't want to touch me." You barely say the last part above a whisper. "Do I disgust you?"

You don't dare to turn around, and as the seconds pass by without him answering you fall further and further into despair. You feel tears brimming in your eyes, and immediately decide that the silence is answer enough. You take your first step away from the hurt, when you feel his rough hands grab your wrist. You snap your head back to look at him, the tears now escaping down your face. He looks at you as if you've broken his heart and the sheer shock of it pauses your steps forward. "Don't. Don't walk away. I- I can't lose you again."

You soften at his words and take a small step towards him; you can swear you see his release a breath he was holding in. "You never lost me Tones."

He shakes his head as he takes another step towards you, closing in the distance. "No. I did. When you went missing, I thought I lost you Y/N. I thought I lost the love of my life." Your heart stops at his confession for various reasons. You try to speak, but he continues. "And then when they called me that you were in the hospital..." He shakes his head again and takes another small step towards you, now taking his free hand and placing it gently on your waist. "You were so fragile, you looked like you'd been through hell and back... but it wasn't till you woke up thinking you were still there that I realized how close I was to actually losing you." He sighs, trying to compose himself. "I almost lost you sweetheart; I almost lost you and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. I promised myself I'd never let that happen again. I won't. I – I can't lose you."