The First De-Quandran

Two Cheeseburgers Make Me Cry

I only really catch my breath again when the train kicks everyone off.

The thing about panic attacks is that most of the time you know it's irrational fear. An impending sense of doom while you're making coffee does not necessarily constitute the end of the world, it just feels that way. There's comfort in that, you can remind yourself that your body is just having a freak out and it will be over soon.

It's all in your head, right?

Unfortunately the three panic attacks in a row I'm dealing with are completely justified, and that makes it so much worse. It feels like a vial of Greek Fire has exploded in my chest and stomach, and I start to get paranoid.

There's a lady with a grocery cart to my left. Could she be a monster waiting to take me off guard? At this point I'm a hassle-free meal. I'm so vulnerable and weak she could take me out easily.

"Bwah bwah bwahbwahbwah last stop."

The basically useless PA system catches my attention as we pull into an underground section of the airport. Most people get up, though some stay to ride again. I'm not willing to do that. In fact I might not ever ride a train again with how anxious that experience just made me. Train anxiety... Trainxiety.

Also, I love a good pun.

The train tunnel is so massive it makes me feel small, but I bustle into the airport before I can think about what lies in there.

I've never so much as driven past an airport, and I have no idea what I'm doing so I follow the crowd into another train. That train brings us to an elevator, which brings us to an escalator after so many turns I'm indefinitely lost now, which brings us to a borderline cruel staircase. The elevator here is full, I have to walk up what's at least 70 stairs with no energy and severe anxiety.

Fun. I'm having so much fun on this quest I can hardly stand it.

When I get to the top I'm almost impressed with the world's most confusing yet straightforward layout. There's probably close to fifteen different airline names and four times as many kiosks and help desks spread out over what could be an acre of land. On the far side, I can see a line snaking back and forth between black gates and disappearing behind a wall that blocks my field of vision.

"Hello. How can I assist you today?"

I whirl around expecting to come face to face with a hydra or something, but it's just a primly dressed help desk attendant.

"Oh... hi." I glance around, wondering which airline she's for. "I need to buy a ticket."

She smiles and walks me to a much smaller out of the way desk. "And what payment form will we be using today: cash, card, Drachma's or Denarii?"

"I'm sorry?" I blurt. My hand digs into my pocket of its own fruition and pulls out three. "Like these?"

Her hair is cut into a jet black bob that shakes with her movement. On her name tag it says Jadis, an odd but beautiful name. Her smile dims in the very slightest way but I catch it. I'm great at telling when people are disappointed in me. Still, she nods. "Would you like to trade in your currency at this time as well? No sense in having it where you won't be able to use it!"

Her cheerfulness throws me off and I hand all of them over. I'm down to eight, and she hands me what I can only assume are Denarii, and a plane ticket to Fargo, North Dakota.

I've never seen a plane ticket, but I'm pretty sure they don't have a slight shimmer to them. It almost feels translucent in my hand but when I look up to point that out, she's gone. Just desk and all poofed into nothingness.