The way YOU saved ME

sleepless nights

*Luisa*

Alex and I had sat together for a long time and discussed how everything could work. I had made it quite clear that I would stay here in Italy with the children and he had immediately agreed to pull up stakes in Spain.

Maybe not completely, because he would want to travel to his family every now and then, but he would definitely move here for a start.

He needed a few days to organize everything. But the prospect of him being here soon made things a lot easier.

Now that we had custody, we were suddenly faced with a whole new set of obstacles and hurdles. There were still so many things to sort out and decide and, above all, the children needed a stable environment.

Even though there was always chaos here, we all tried to create a regular routine for the children.

Becca was currently largely free from her work so that she could help me. I knew it was a lot to ask, but I would have had to be an eight-armed octopus to look after all three children. And as the boys had to train for the next races, Becca, in her role as social media manager alongside Camilla, was the most available.

Of course I wished it could have been different, but at the moment she was simply my savior and I was incredibly grateful to her for pulling it off with me.

The day had felt like an eternity again and I slumped down on the sofa next to Becca when Bella finally fell asleep.

My head sank onto her shoulder "Have I ever told you how much I love you?".

"Yes, but I like to hear it all the time," she laughed and pulled me closer to her.

I had to laugh and just let the moment of silence pass "Oh, by the way, Raul and Adrian want to come back here in a few days and see where they can help.".

I hadn't quite said the sentence when I could already feel her flinch a little. I immediately raised my head and looked at my best friend inquiringly. I raised an eyebrow as I watched her face slowly turn redder.

"Becca?" I asked, sitting up straight now, "Do you want to tell me something?".

"No! What makes you think that?".

"You're a bad liar. Now tell me what's going on." I tilted my head a little.

"Nothing," she assured me again, but I knew that she was hiding something from me and I knew that it had to do with Raul or Adrian.

"Well, not then," I grumbled and dropped back onto the sofa next to her. She would have her reason for lying to me.

"Isa...", she said sadly, tugging on my sleeve "It's really nothing.", she looked at me "Raul and I have just been writing a lot recently and I just told him that we both had our hands full and he said that he could come and help.".

I looked at her "And you call that nothing?" I laughed.

I knew that my best friend had a bit of a crush on my brother-in-law's cousin. Not excessively, but she had mentioned a few times that she liked him. Basically, of course.

"Well, he's coming for the kids, not for me," she said.

"Of course, and Tino and Marc actually get on really well, but they just don't want to admit it. Of course he's coming for you."

"Oh nonsense, I don't think so."

"Well, he didn't ask me if I needed help," I laughed.

"Yes, but..." she started, but then interrupted herself and just blushed.

"Well, at least now I know why he wanted to come," I smiled and leaned against her again.

I was incredibly tired because I had hardly slept a night since Enzo's death. I reproached myself. And above all, I could still see Enzo's face. How disfigured he had looked. I could hear him screaming sometimes.

I would probably never forget those screams again. I could only hope that one day I would at least no longer hear them in my sleep.

"You're tired, aren't you?" she asked cautiously.

"Endlessly tired." I nodded "I still have nightmares." I admitted.

"Still? Isa! You promised you'd say something!" She sat up so abruptly that I almost fell off her shoulder.

I grumbled a little, but then sat up. "I know," I mumbled, "but it's hard enough for me to dream about him all the time. I'm glad when I don't have to talk about him all the time." I took a deep breath "It still hurts incredibly."

"I know, but you have to talk to me. Isa, I can help you, at least be there for you," she said and stroked my hair.

"I know, sweety," I nodded, "I'm sorry."

"You'll sleep in my bed tonight. At least then I'll notice when you wake up." She stroked my hair "And I can cuddle you until you fall asleep." She giggled.

"Yes, because I sleep so well when I'm cuddled," I laughed ironically.

"Well, it works with the children too," she smiled.

But before I could answer, I heard Remo calling for me from upstairs. I closed my eyes briefly, then pushed myself up and smiled "I guess our sleepover party won't happen. Maybe another time," I laughed.

"Tomorrow." Becca grinned.

"Then with Raul or what?" I stuck my tongue out at her.

"You're stupid," she laughed, but immediately blushed again.

"Love you," I laughed and went upstairs.

Remo was sitting in his bed waiting for me. His eyes immediately lit up when I entered the room. "You came," he said and slid a little so that I could sit next to him.

"Of course I did. You called for me, didn't you?" I asked, confused.

"Yes, but I was afraid you wouldn't come." He put his head on my lap as soon as I sat down.

I started stroking his hair "I'll always come when you call me, Remo," I said calmly. I knew he was scared of loss right now. I knew he was afraid that I wouldn't come when he called me and would leave him too. I understood and tried to be there even more.

"When is Uncle Alex coming?" he yawned as he looked up at me a little.

"A few more days. He has to pack his things first and bring everything here," I explained calmly.

"And then he'll really be staying with us, won't he?" I could hear the joy in his voice.

Both Remo and Pippo had been incredibly happy when I had told them that Alex would soon be living with us and looking after them. I hadn't been able to explain to them that he now had "custody" of them. They were still far too young for that. But I had explained to them that Alex would be there for them.

And the boys were really happy. They loved the younger of the Marquez brothers and hadn't even asked about Marc.

It had been Alex's big worry that the children liked his brother better than him. But Marc didn't even seem to have crossed the boys' minds.

He hadn't been heard from since the reading of the will and somehow it made me sad. Not because it meant much to me, but rather because I would have liked it for the children.

He had spoken such big words and what had actually been behind them?

Nothing.

He had left me standing there because his ego was hurt. I just really hoped that Alex was very different from his brother in that respect and that he wouldn't leave me standing when the going got tough. Because those times would come. There was no doubt in my mind about that.

Of course, a lot of things would be easier at the beginning because we would certainly try to adjust to each other. Everyone here at the ranch would make an effort. But when everyday life came...

I just hoped he wouldn't leave.

If only for the sake of the children.