Break the ice

Chapter 13: Who forgets their own crappy love confession?

Estelle's POV

Ouch. My head aches like crazy. Everything that happened yesterday catches up on me. I remember everything. Every. Single. Thing. His hot breath. His strong grip. His dark gaze. His low and seducing voice. Huxley. His confession? Could you even call it that? He looked drunk. But drunk words are sober thoughts they say. So there would be some truth to his words? Do I want them to be true?

I'm not drunk enough. No matter how much I drink I can't get you out of my head and it's driving me fucking crazy.

Ugh, Estelle! Don't think too much of it. He is interested in Cami. The only reason he probably got so worked up was because I kissed his best friend right? That is the explanation right? I shouldn't be worked up about this. He was really drunk and I should just forget it.

But I can't. And I can't ignore the butterflies that I got when he got so close to me. Too close for comfort. But I didn't move away. I didn't want to move away. I subconsciously wanted to stay there in his arms. I'm probably crazy. I can't think of a sane explanation to why my heart was fluttering. And why it is beating faster and faster right now, when I think back to yesterday. What would've happened if I stayed in my position, if I didn't push him away? Would he really have kissed me there and then. And would I be the one to let him? Everything between us would have changed.

As if things didn't already change. We're still in our no-talking phase. Huxley was acting like he couldn't stand to be in the same room as me at work, and I wasn't the nicest person either. But after what happened yesterday I don't know what to say to him. If I should even say anything to him.

I do miss him. He was actually a nice person to talk to. Once I got to know him I discovered that his cold nature is actually an act for most of it. Just to keep him and his heart safe. Huxley is actually really sensitive, that's why he's so guarded. Once you break through his walls you get to see a softer side of him, a side I haven't seen for some time. Is it weird to miss someone, who hasn't even been your friend for that long?

Just talking to him was something that made me feel nice. He is a good listener and just pouring my heart out to him was actually nice. I don't feel judged. Huxley made me feel safe. Something about him that made me trust him, to show him my moods, all of them. Maybe I should try to restore our friendship. How awkward it might be. I don't think that a romantic relationship will ever be something that could turn into reality with us. But trying to rescue our friendship can be possible.

Today at work. Yes, I'll try to talk to him. We're adults, we can sort things out like adults. Yes Estelle. You can do this.

I should probably get ready for work. I don't want to run late again.

— later —

Okay so. I'm running late for work. I couldn't find my favourite sweater. And I really wanted to wear it today. So I spent an hour searching for it. Well guess where my sweater was... I was already wearing it. Instead of wearing my pyjamas I went to bed wearing my sweater instead. Ugh. Why am I like this?

Now. I'm almost at work. I'm cycling as fast as I can to get to the bookstore. I'm running out of breath but I need to keep going. I can't show up late again. There's only so much Charlene approves of. And with her pregnancy hormones, she isn't always the most forgiving. While I'm passing a bunch of leafless trees and coloured townhouses I hear a male voice calling out for my name. I turn my neck to get a look and I see Miles enter my vision.

''Hey Estelle! I haven't seen you in forever!" Miles says enthusiastically.

I slow my bike down so that Miles can catch up to me. ''Hey you. How's everything been?''