Break the ice

Chapter 20: There won't be an us. I'm sorry.

Huxley's POV

I can't believe it, after all those years of high school and college hockey I'm finally going pro. Before I officially play for the Green Ivy's (my favorite team) I need to train with them for awhile. But still, it's finally happening. All my hard work is getting rewarded. Time, stress, determination, anger, the burden of being captain and countless training sessions, they did pay off.

There's just one thing spoiling the joy of the moment. I'll be far away from Estelle. After all the things that happened between us, we're finally on good terms, like really good terms. I don't want to lose that. Then again, the offer for going pro is something I've always dreamed of. It's not like Estelle and I are in a relationship, but it's something I've thought about and I didn't find the idea uncomfortable or unlikely to happen eventually. I don't know. I can't really think straight right now.

I look at Estelle who's wearing a soft and excited expression on her face. But I know her better than that. There's a hint of sadness behind her eyes. Or at least that's what I think, or hope? I don't know. Would she be happy to see me leave Greenwood for the sunnier side of the country? Would she not mind me being miles and miles away from her? Would she send me off with a big smile on her face? Would she not even miss me when I'm far away?

Estelle's sweet voice gets me out of my thoughts and grabs my attention. ''Huxley it's a great offer! You'd be crazy not to take it."

The way the words leave her mouth sound cold. Colder than her usual tone. Don't get me wrong because her voice will always sound like honey to my ears, but this time I'm sensing some iciness. The tone is sharper. Or maybe I'm reading too much into it.

I meet her eyes seeing that her gaze is still fixed on me. It's looks like Estelle is trying to keep a smile on her pretty face, but I'm not sure for how long she will be able to continue like this.

I move closer to her and cup one cheek with my hand. Her smooth skin warms my hand. ''I know Sunshine, it's a great offer. I really do. But if I'm being honest, I'm less happy than I ever thought I'd be in this moment.''

Estelle's eyes widen before she gives a quick answer. ''Why? Because of your life here in Greenwood? You're dream is coming true, nothing to be sad about.''

Estelle sounds serious. Her entire energy shifted. She's supportive but still, won't she miss me?

''Yes my dream is coming true and I'm very happy about it. But I'll miss my friends here.'' I say honestly.

I hesitantly look into her grey eyes. She is begging me to stop talking as if she knows what I'm about to say next. Here goes nothing. Just to get it of my chest.

''I'll miss you most. Estelle you're all I think about. No one has ever been able to distract me from ice hockey like you did. And to my surprise I don't mind it. Maybe at first it did, but right now? No it doesn't. I want to be w-''

''Huxley stop.'' Estelle says firmly.

I stop talking. My heart is beating fast. I can almost feel it making it's way out of my chest. Was I really about to ask her to be my girlfriend before she interrupted me? Damn.

Estelle grabs my hand that's still resting on her cheek and pushes it off. I give her a disappointed look. But the only thing I see in Estelle's face is indifference. Either she's gotten really good at hiding her emotions from me or she really feels indifferent. I try to look into her eyes, knowing that they'll never be able to fool me but she refuses to meet my gaze.

''Don't. Don't miss me. It's not worth it.'' She says in a short breath.

No, this can't be. ''Estelle, please. I want to be close to you, but I can't. I know that, but still, we can make it work. I know that it's selfish to ask of you, but I want you in my life.'' I say heartfelt.