I Remember Everything by Zach Bryan and Kacy Musgraves
★・・・・・・★
AFTER HOURS
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★・・・・・・★
Dear Ted,
I just had to call you, well, someone else at the hospital had to call you. I'm so sorry. I fucked up, Ted. I'm always fucking up. I got into an accident, I... I got into a car accident. I don't remember exactly what happened, but someone, someone I think, slipped something into my drink.
Rutgutwhiskey is gonna ease my mind.
I remember being at a bar; I went there with a couple of my bandmates, Alex, our drummer—she's amazing, a great drummer, it's like she knows what I need from her before I ask her—and our bassist, Joey, he's so funny, he makes sure I'm okay. I was doing well. It's been weeks since I've written to Jamie. I was doing better.
Beach towels rest on the drying line.
I remember thinking that I can only have one drink, and that's all I had, I swear. I got my drink, and then I went to the bathroom because I needed to pee. I was happy; I remember feeling happy. I looked in the mirror, and I was happy because I didn't have my usual dark circles under my eyes, and I was happy because I was told we were finally gaining a lot of monthly listeners on Spotify of all things, which is why we went to that bar in the first place.
The sand from my hair is blowing in my eyes.
Then I remember coming back, and Joey and Alex were both talking about something near an old jukebox. I remember thinking how cool it was that there was an old jukebox, and I took a sip of my drink, and it didn't sit right. It didn't taste right. Something was wrong. I remember thinking that something was wrong. I had to leave. I told Joey and Alex that I had to leave. They told me they would take a cab home; I could take a car. They told me not to worry about it.
Blame it on the beach; you left; you don't get to cry.
So I left in the car. I remember my arm felt like rubber, and my hands were shaking. I wanted to mess with my rings, but I couldn't. I needed to hold the wheel. My head felt like it was filled with cotton. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I remember there was no one on the road. We had just played a gig in the middle of nowhere. The only thing that was around that bar were trees.
Do you remember the beat-down old emerald chair?
I remember thinking about my mother for some reason. How my mother and father both died in a car accident. How Jamie used to drive me everywhere because I was so afraid of driving because of the accident. I remember thinking how weird it was that I was driving in a car because I never drove. Ever.
I remember; I remember everything.
Then I hit a tree. I remember feeling a sort of white-hot pain in my arm. I remember being upside down and hanging from my seatbelt. I don't know where it was because I hit my head or whatever was slipped finally took over, but I passed out. I woke up in the back of an ambulance. I was still too groggy, though. I don't know if it was a dream or not, but I remember looking down at my left arm and just seeing red.
You were begging me to stay till the sun rose.
I forgot that I had put down your name as my emergency contact. I don't know why, probably because you were the only one left that I thought would make good decisions. You're coming now; I don't know when exactly they called you. I have this big bulky cast that goes all the way up from just before my shoulder all the way down to my middle and pointer finger. Apparently, I broke those too.
Strange words come out of the mouth of a girl whose mind is broke.
The nurse told me I kept talking about random things while I was under. Talking about you and the team, and Roy, of course, and of Jamie. Saying things like, I shouldn't have left, Joey do that thing again, stay in bed just a little longer, alright now smile for me, Jamie I'm sorry. I guess I can't even escape him in my unconsciousness.
I wish I didn't but I do, remember every moment in the night with him.
Now I'm sitting on a bed, the stupid hospital is saying I need to stay in until you come, which hopefully will be soon. I haven't spoken to you yet; I mean I have since I've been on the trip because like Sharon said I need to reach out more; I can't push people away. The last time I saw you was the show I did in London. That was really good. I was beginning to feel so happy, Ted, I swear.
No, you'll never be the girl that you always swore.
Now I can't even play the guitar anymore. I have to wear this fucking cast for 6 months or more according to my dumbass doctor. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. What the fuck am I going to do, Ted?
Wish I didn't but I do, remember every moment in the night with him.
