The Mistress's 1st Maknae.

9 Close Call.

"You have been pounding that bag for the last 2 hours. What did it do to you?" You hear the trainer shout over the sound of the gloves hitting the leather with force. Ignoring him, you set your feet and start your sets again. There's no other sound. Everyone else must have left. The trainer talks to you again.
"Kook, you're gonna really hurt yourself if you keep up this pace." He puts his hand on your shoulder, and you swing round with a jab. He ducks and puts his hands up, ready to defend. It's now a sparing match. He mirrors your footwork and dodges your fists. "Kook, what are you looking for?" he says, consern growing on his face. That's when you realise this guy has been there for you. Ask for advice. He won't see you as weak. Will he?
"선생님, seonsaengnim(teacher), I don't think I'm OK."
Crouching down, putting the gloves on the ground in front of you, head down. Holding back the emotions that want to cover you. The room feels so cold and empty. He comes over to check if you're OK. "Talk to me, tell me what's on your mind."
Nope.tou can't do it. You stand up and shake it off. "It's OK, I'm back in the game, fists up, let's go again," you say, dancing around, being playful. Fuck, your gonna have to get a handle on yourself.

The hour passes, and you head into the locker room for a shower. The warm water washing away your sweat. But the feeling of fear is still lingering.

Taking longer under the hot water than usual. Your mind wanders, you can see your reflection on the glass. Tall, warm honey skin, the well defined muscles, all over your body. The tattoos on your arm. You really worked your upper torso. The trainer landed a few heavy jabs at the beginning of the session. You can already see the bruises forming around your ribs. It's a good thing you don't have a photo shoot this week. You've only left the safety of the apartment to got the gym. It's now your mind takes a sharp right, this is the dark alley. The one that you don't want to think about. Jin Hyung sent a direct message to you. He's doing well, he knows your hiding because you miss him but he's told you to get out and do something. "This reminds me of when the guy died. Yeah you kept the schedules and gave great fan service, but Jungkookah, you can't just hide now. You will get lazy and we need our maknae. Find something to channel your feelings into"
He's right but it just feels like it's the beginning of an end and you don't know what way is up. Towelling off, you start gettinf dressed. 'Shit, were are my shorts?' Now you can see them, on the edge of the bed at home. OK commando it is. Let's just hope there's no mould out there.

The drive home was quiet. It is 3am.
Bam welcomes you, tail wagging and happy bounces. Refreshing his water and putting the gym clothes in to wash. You scroll through the messages. Mentally replying. It's been 2 weeks wince you saw any of your brothers. 'what are you looking for?' Trainers question drifts past, I need help. This I know. Fuck you almost broke infront of someone. Bams fine he can't tell anyone. He's such a good companion. Bur maybe I need to actually tell someone. Get help. It can only make me better.
It's now almost 4:30am. Turning on the TV, you flick through the channels, not really watching anything. It's just noise so you don't feel alone. That's when the tears start. So far it's only Jin thats left. Next it's your glue. It's Hobi hyung. He took yoongi hyungs place, so he could go on the tour. His way if giving memories to the fans. He will be away the longest and wants to see and be with as many before he goes. So yeah, Hobi filmed day and night, making more amazing content for the fans. Making memories for himself in the process, and he said it was healing in a way. He's ready to go, he wants to be there for all members and their solo works. He's just about to have a baby too. Yeah he may be ready, but your not. It's happening faster than you can keep up.

Getting out your journal you jot down some notes. Your safety Hyung won't be around you. You will have to see him over a phone screen. Being a tactile guy it's gonna suck that you won't be able to be around Hobi's soothing scent. It always calms you, keeps you centred. Hobi's wifeu has said to come over to their apartment any time. She's really kind and sweet. Maybe I should go see her and the little one when it comes.
All these thoughts and your eyes are still giving way to your emotions.

It's now 6am. There's a ping on your phone. It's from her, the girl you hooked up with. "Hi, wanted to know if you had anything else to ask about maybe having another meeting? Let me know. I totally understand if its not for you, no hard feelings.
Wait. Why does this feel like a break up too. Why is everyone leaving me. Thats when Bam nudges you with his wet nose.

Sending a message when half asleep and after the heavy emotional outpouring wasn't the brightest idea.