The Mistress's 1st Maknae.

14 your gonna feel that in the morning.

Who does she think she is, to speak to me like that? 

Your seething, marching around the apartment, Bam following you as you pace. You didn't need to speak to her like that but she had it coming, why would she call you a child. She really needs to watch her tone. 

Bam lets out a bark. Even he's frustrated with you. Petting his head, he wags his tail. All is forgiven.  Animals are so simple.

You need to do something. Not the gym, not boxing.  You don't care, No one actually cares, that's how you feel. Grabbing your car keys you head towards the door, "bam, house!"

You really like this car, its one of your newer purchases, it has sleek lines, a matte black finish and some serious horse power. You've not had the chance to really tests its limits. Now is the time. Your feeling dangerous. The adrenalin from driving at high speeds will help. 

The sky's changing from day to night, its still early but given that its winter and sun isn't on show for long these days, its still kind of pretty. Once on the outskirts of the city, you drive towards Bukhansan. the roads here have long corners as well as sharp turns, the engine really beginning to hum. It feels special. What a lovely sound. Yes this vehicle really was worth the money now you think about it. You still use the bike most days when your on your own, its easier and the mould cant catch up with you when your weaving through the busy traffic filled streets. When in the car on your own, you like to hear the car. No music, no chatting. Just the roar. Never one to think of your self as a petrol head, there's something to be said for just apricating the a metal beast. A laugh escapes your lips, What an expensive toy.

Heading towards a beautiful part of the road, you slow down. There's a small parking area, this is where tourist and locals alike stop to take pictures. There's no one around. So you hop out of the car. The locking beep echo's in the dimming light. For the first time in a long time you are truly alone.  Walking a little way from the car, theirs trails for walkers. meandering along one it opens out to showcase some beautiful scenery. A few deeps relaxing breaths and you are starting to really enjoy this time. 

"AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGG"

You let out the loudest scream you can muster. It takes all your breath and you have to hold on to your knees to stay upright. another deep intake of air and you let out another scream. this one louder and longer than the last. You don't know why but you feel both happy and sad at the same time. Another scream, but this one floors you. Hands in the soft undergrowth in front of you. A dry sob. There's no more screams left. You don't have the energy to cry either. Staying hunched over for a few minutes, it actually takes you longer to get a hold on yourself than you think. 20 Minutes pass, the damp ground now seeping into you jeans at the knees.

You wanna break something.  An outward expression of how you feel inside. But there's nothing here. No logs to throw, no trash can to kick. So you walk back to the car. Its really quiet, if there was any wild life hiding they have been properly scared away with your vocal outburst. 

On the drive back, your not concentrating, your minds on your brothers, you've not seen any of them for a week, Jin's not answered your last message and your feeling so alone. Is this how its going to be, one by one they just stop responding? One by one they stop taking an interest! One by one they stop being your brothers? You don't realise it, but there's tears on your face. You're vision is becoming blurred by them. Using the back of your right hand, army help you to wipe them away. A dry laugh rumbles inside your chest. Then it turns into hysterics, your crying hard and laughing too. A set of front lights coming round a corner at speed reminds you, that you too can go fast. Now just laughing, you press the pedal harder, it feels like you took that corner on two wheels. A rush hits you, the next corner is coming up soon, you take that one a speed too. Then its lights out.