The Mistress's 1st Maknae.

12 Snap

Laying there, all I can think of is how she allowed me another round. This one was like I was trying to prove to myself that I could be better.
Why do I need to do that?

There's no cuddles after, no sweet words of endearment. But there's also no awkwardness or uncertainty. That's what's different.

"Now that there's no sexual tension, needs, or awkward bull shit. You've spilt in me, now spill it to me, you said you needed help." she leans back on her elbows, I can still see my seed on her skin when she moves. She's not embarrassed or shy. Why then, do I want to hide!
"I don't know what I can say and what I can't. It's complicated." I tell her, but I feel like I can be totally open with her. No issues.
"You're not a fan of the group, but you must have heard that we are all going to serve soon. My Jin Hyung, he's completed his basic training and soon more of my brothers will be going, I've known them all my life, that's how it feels, we are family, and now they are getting taken from me, we are getting torn apart, and I fucking hate it, I need my brothers because with out them, who am I? They all played a part in raising me, they all know me better than I know myself and without them I'm going to be so lost", standing up I make tracks on the floor back and forward, talking in circles, not making a lot of sense.

She's quiet. She listens. She's sympathetic.

"I won't begin to say anything as if I know how you feel, but keeping it to yourself. That's not healthy. Can you talk to them, your members? What do they say?" she counters.
"I don't want to bother them with it. They are all busy doing their own thing, and I don't want to be the baby. I hate when I'm called a baby." I fold my arms, and she bursts out in hysterics.
"No, no, please, that was too funny. I know your a grown man, coz you look like one and fuck like one too, but when you did that" she mimics my posture "I can see why people call you cute" she's laughing, but I don't feel attacked.

"You thrive when I give you something to do. Did you notice? When you're busy, you don't seem to remember your troubles. Or maybe it was just because your a guy and a you were presented with some good pussy. I don't know."
There's something in what she's saying.

But now I've opened that box of emotions, the lids been tossed off and it all falls out.
" I wanna do my service, we all wanna do what's right for the country, even if at times they have been corrupt ass hats and miss manage so much. The people in power don't always resemble the people they represent" I'm back to marching.
"the guys, the members, they are my net, my home, they are me. I'm loosing me, what if when they are all gone I'm just that kid from Busan, and I'm not the 'golden Maknae', who is Jungkook, really?" pulling a little at my hair I take a breath.

"I got lucky, most don't. But do I deserve all the mould that follows me, the fans that wait outside my apartment, they even found my gym. I can't go to the park to walk my dog for fucks sake. They are there too. They take pictures and post them everywhere. They don't even have a dog with them and they don't try to hide it anymore. I feel so exposed. No where feels safe. Except my brothers and they are going. How will I feel safe then."

He's stopped the pacing. He's looking at his reflection in the window, asking the questions to himself. But he doesn't know the answers, he really doesn't.
It happens fast. A loud crash, he's picked up one of his boots, and thrown it at the window. Glass everywhere, like little glittery blades, pretty but dangerous. They bounce off the outer window and back into the room. The boot also rebounds, this he catches and throws it at the next window. He seems to have come alive with the noise of the glass smashing, the adrenaline coursing through his veins. He turns and throws the heavy boot, it collides with the dresser. He lets out a deep laugh. He looks like he's about to take his foot to the dresser, smash it into pieces.
If I don't stop him where will it end.