Mute,
I thought that nothing could hurt me more than Baxter. I thought I knew what agony felt like.
But it wasn't until today that I realized how pain can be infinite.
And the worst part of it all is that it's all my fault.
I'm the one who lost. The one who gave up on us.
I watched you go. I simply watched.
Today, for the first time in a year, I realized you weren't coming home. It hit me like a truck, and I swear I thought my heart was being ripped out of my chest.
I screamed your name. And I cried in hopes you'd hear me, wherever you are.
And then it all went away. And it scares me.
Because I feel dead but I still have to keep going. I have to find a way to exist in a world without you. Knowing you're still alive.
Baby, this is going to be my last letter. My last prayer to God. A final plea for the universe to bring you back to me.
Wherever you are, I pray you are peaceful and happy. Wholeheartedly.
And I wish you laugh, loud and proud.
I hope your heart is warm now and your cheeks are flushed. That all your nights give you the rest you hoped for and are filled with the sweetest dreams.
Thank you for everything. For the moments I cherished and for the ones I didn't even notice. Thank you for loving me, despite my ugly.
You are the most beautiful scar I get to carry inside my heart.
I love you.
Out loud.
Silently.
Selfishly.
Completely.
I wish you all the best. But I'm not yours anymore.
Quynn.
YOU ARE READING
All I Want #1.5 : Words Left Behind
PoetryThis is a short collection of poems and love letters written by Quynn and Mute after their breakup as they try to make sense of it all. It can be read as a standalone, or after completing All I Want #1 to get better context.
