All I Want #1.5 : Words Left Behind

05/01/2024 - Mute

Quynn,

I want to hate you.

Everything would be so much easier then.

But with every day without you, my love for you keeps on growing. I didn't even know I had it in me, to be honest.

And with love, comes hurt. Because every day that goes by is another day I lose being away from you.

I think I'm used to the pain now. Or I'm numb to the point it just became a part of me.

I've stalled for so long. Tried so hard to hold on for us. I rewrote this letter about a dozen times because every time I tried to write those words, I felt sick in my stomach and my hands kept trembling like they refused to do it.

But I have to.

I wish my love was enough. I wish I could wave a magic wand and just make the whole world disappear for us.

But I can't.

And in the world we now live in, it's time to admit that we need to move on.

I don't know how I'm going to do it. Or if I ever will be able to.

But this is my last love letter.

I don't have the strength to hope anymore.

I tried, baby. I really tried.

But Omer told me: if you really love something, you need to let it go and see if it comes back to you.

I let you go. Or you did. Maybe it was both of us. But we didn't make it back.

I'm not going to lie and pray for you to be happy with someone else.

Selfishly, I'm hoping you're hurting as much as me. And then I regret it. Because the thought of you in pain kills me.

Whatever universe you are in right now, I hope you're okay.

But keep a place for me in your heart. Think of me often. Remember how much I love you.

I want us to be a beautiful memory. I want you to smile when you think of us.

You are my everything. Without you, I am dead.

But I keep on moving. I have to.

Forever your man.