Tactless Temerity

09

Josephine

I don't know what has gotten into me overthinking about Sigurd Frost so I decided to just drink and ordered more negronis. Pangatlong baso ko na and though I had already increased my alcohol tolerance ay inaalala ko pa rin na kailangan kong magdahan dahan. But I could not help it. I was not used to these kinds of thoughts...and not to compare, but with my relationship with Clifford, I did not to get to have thoughts like what I was currently having: shallow, lewd and scandalous ones. And it was not like I have some sorts of relationship with Sigurd. Hindi pa naman ako delusional.

Maybe..maybe because I was thinking of marriage, kids and family before with Clifford kaya wala akong paglalagyan ng mga ganitong kamunduhan. Well, fuck those dreams, he was a living nightmare. I bit the insides of my cheeks with him in mind. Those dreams were all but dreams. Hindi ko rin ipagkakaila that those dreams were good while it lasted, pero mas pipiliin ko pa rin ang reyalidad palagi.

I felt my bladder calling out to me kaya nagpaalam ako saglit kay Rory na pupunta ng ladies room. Tumayo na ako at sinundan ang neon sign papunta doon. I saw Left Eye moved pero sinenyasan ko na okay lang dahil malapit lang at kita naman niya ang ladies room kahit hindi niya ako sundan. I was already mid way when I felt something kaya nilingon ko ang kanan ko.

"Where are you going?" It was Mr. Frost.

"Uhm, ladies room." Turo ko.

Umiling siya.

"Not there, it's for the public. You can use the one in my office." There was no room to say no dahil nauna na siyang naglakad at nilingon ko si Left Ete na sumunod na rin sa amin. "I'm not going to do anything." Rinig ko pang sabi ni Mr. Frost na ngayon ay sumabay na sa paglalakad sa akin.

"It's protocol, I'm sure you have more of yours lurking around the perimeter."

"Okay. I missed your eyepatch."

He was on my left kaya halos napaharap ako sa kanya sa sinabi niyang iyon.

"Why do you say things like that?"

"Because it's how I feel. Masama ba?" He did not sound offended pero tumigil siya sa paglalakad, kaya napatigil na rin ako.

"Hindi, but I think its inapropriate. Can I be honest with you?" Hinarap ko na siya ng tuluyan. Tumango naman siya kaya nagpatuloy ako. "That night was something I never thought I'd be able to do, it was...wonderful and that was it. Let's not ruin the memory and please don't take me as someone who would be able to read between the lines...or play whatever this game that you are trying to play. Mahina ako sa ganito, Mr. Frost. I'll lose."

Umigting ang mga panga niya and he looked offended pero natawa na lang siya ng mahina.

"You should know this about me, Josephine." Humakbang siya palapit sa akin at kahit gusto kong umatras ay hindi ko magawa. "I play hard. I bargain hard. But that's my job. You're not a job."

"Then what am I?"

The corner of his mouth lifted before speaking.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Umatras na siya at naglakad na. "Come." He motioned a hand to show me the way.

....

"Thank you for letting me use it." I spoke awkwardly the second I came out of his office bathroom.

Mr. Frost was seated at one of his receiving couches and he looked like he was lost in his thoughts kaya hinintay ko siyang mapansin ako. I found myself staring at him again...at hind ko alam kung ano ang mas gusto ko, 'yung mahaba ba ang buhok niya or itong exposed ang mga tattoo niya sa ulo at trimmed ang balbas? There were certain appeals to each na kakaiba ang dating sa akin. God, Josephine tama na. I blinked to stop my mind from imagining more.