Buried Alive

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by olipoppy

by olipoppy

Arabella POV

We've returned from our road trip. It was a waste of gas to be honest. Anna caught a hissy fit on why it should've been her and I going excluding Devin so I just left her ass down there. I really don't care how she'll be getting back if she hasn't already.

Chris and I have been hanging out majority of the summer and we've honestly gotten closer. I mean, we're taking things slow this time. I try to divide my time evenly with Chris and Devin. I wouldn't exactly say they are friends but they tolerate each other.

Summer is coming to a closing and I'm semi excited. This summer has been not like the rest, its been very tedious which sucks. I like for the summer to feel long. I just know that senior year is going to be...well...not as good as the past 3 years, but I'm gonna have to get over it. Hopefully there will be new students that I'll get the chance to meet which will give me a new beginning.

Chris still isn't over Devin living with me but that's not in his control and I told him time and time again to get over it. Anyways...this day alone is too long. It's only 4:30, and I haven't done anything productive all day. I've been laying here, haven't eaten anything, haven't spoken a word to anyone. I'm not even social on social networks.

Fuck it, forget it, I'm done.

Maybe I should just get some shut eye to calm my nerves from my own self. My own self that I've been trying to escape from since mid-summer. I hate how I'm feeling nowadays. Not like myself. And it sucks that I can't help it either.

I need an epiphany of what I am to become, because right now, I have no clue. Oh, and Inky, my guinea pig that Devin got me a while ago died. I haven't been paying him any attention, nor fed him properly. I'd rather it have happen to me instead of him to put it gently.

I've never felt so dead inside and it sucks that I don't even know what that source of this forlorn feeling is. About a day ago, it feels like more than that but even Chris noticed my sudden change in behavior. I wish he knew where it was from to pull me from this stygian hole. This crypt, grave, sepulcher, whatever you want to call it, it's all the same to me honestly.

I've given up all the talents I've acquired since the day I was born. Everything. Only to find myself, to see other things I'm capable of. Yes, art. Watercolors are nice, painting is also nice. Fuck affiliations that will tell me otherwise.

I used to care what people thought until I've gained my own.

Thoughts that is.

I know what I have to do to succeed but do I even have that motivation anymore Motivation to do what I have to do to succeed.

Tell me what the hell I did to become this. Then tell me what the fuck to do to get away from this.

People say that crying will make you feel better. I don't have that will power to cry, I can't bring myself to it. Why? I've lost all the feelings I had left. I can't feel anything anymore. It sucks to say this and I never thought I would have ever felt like this.

In the end, what happens, you already know. But what do I do in the meantime?

I guess that for me to figure out. I try to look away from that thought, but my head doesn't. My head doesn't turn...away. That doesn't even make since! I'm losing my mind.

I don't smoke, I never had a reason to. But...now I have a reason to.

My arms are sprawled across the bed, feet hanging off, head in the clouds. Body, mind, and soul now drifted away.

Shit, I forgot what I was about to say. Oh well, it'll come to me eventually.

In the meantime, between time, I'm gonna sleep.

I'm out.