Spirit Animals Oneshots

The Note

Let's get to it shall we? I don't think I need a trigger warning for this one. But just in case, I'm sorry if it does trigger anything!! 

Hey, I know I shouldn't be writing this... It's me. Abeke.

A lot of this note won't make sense, it's the endless stream of thought clouding my mind. 

I also know you can't hear me or respond. I'm not even going to send this letter, knowing your corruption respects no bounds and I could risk harming more people with my naivety. But there are so many things I need to say, and this is the only way I know how to express them. 

After everything, I still find myself thinking about you often. You're forever on my mind. You hurt me in a way I can never repair Shane, and yet your memory haunts me. Is that really fair? Why do you get to be content with your decision, left without the weight, while I have to live through it?

Yesterday, my teammates and I travelled to Stetriol. The entire way my thoughts were filled with you and the times we spent together. I don't think I've ever told you, but whenever the Conquers got too much and we hid away in that dilapidated bunker- those were my favorite memories.

 The moment I was sure no one was paying attention, I slipped past the campsite. I went to our secret spot. You know what's sickening? It hadn't changed at all. Not a soul had entered the place since the day I found you out. It brought the question to my mind- was I ever your favorite memory? Were the times we spent together worth my tears, or was I grieving faux?

You played me, just like always. For years I was sure we were something special. It's stupid, but why would I doubt it? I loved you Shane, I truly did. 

You betrayed me, you used me... and it hurt in a way I could never forgive. 

For the love of all that's good in Erdas, I still love you. I still hope to see you as I pass by, wish you well. Despite knowing you're working alongside a maniac hellbent on destroying our world, I do. Whether you brought me pain or manipulated me... I do, because I know no bounds. 

Back then I had no doubt in my mind you felt same. Now all I can wonder is if you ever think of me. Do you replay what happened, only to question what we could've been had the circumstance been different? Would I have stood a chance?

I miss you, and I don't want to. That sounds crazy doesn't it? We're on opposite sides of a war and I should just pretend I don't care about you- at least as much as if you used to care about me. Do you have troubles sleeping at night, or are you peaceful despite knowing just how much evil takes hold of your life?

I saw potential in us. Did you see it too or were you playing mind games? It feels as though I'm nothing to you. And I never will be. Tell me this, when you find someone some day... A person who could possibly love you even, will some part of you miss me? 

There is nothing I wouldn't do for you if you asked. Maybe that makes me as horrible as you are, maybe it means I have no self respect- but I can't seem to change how I feel. 

Someday, I hope you'll remember me and miss us. I might finally have the satisfaction of knowing just as much as it hurts me to be betrayed, it hurts you too. Then I'll know you aren't a monster, just a genuine person who got caught on the wrong side of the battle. 

I'll do my best to forget you. It's not fair to the other three of my team if I'm constantly caught in the past. I wish you the best, and silently pray someday you'll change your mind. 

Who knows? I might still be around. Until then, 

Goodbye Shane

< Conor >

I drew in a shaky breath as I placed the letter down, feeling as though I had just been punched in the gut. This was something I was never meant to see, especially not now. 

I was all too aware of that. 

Abeke would kill me for sifting through her personal things, but it wasn't like I tried to. When I had been packing up the gear, it slipped from her bag and I would've immediately returned it, if I didn't seen the word Shane splayed across the page in her rough handwriting. 

Curiosity and jealousy fueled me to read it. Which, admittedly, was a mistake. 

I suddenly felt insecure, far too conscious of all my faults. Abeke said she hadn't felt the same way about me and- well, now I know why. I stuffed the letter back into her bag, glumly slinging it over my shoulder and picking up my own. I made my way out of the tent, offering Abeke's bag out to her. 

She pulled me into a hug and thanked me for letting them sleep in this morning. Abeke joked that she figured she would make the effort, since Rollan was too prideful to admit he appreciated it and Meilin was busy nursing a wound. 

Even though her warmth surrounded me and I could feel her touch, something about the softness of it felt superficial. Abeke didn't mean it as any more than just a friendly gesture, because I wasn't more than that to her. And to know that hurt. A lot.

I couldn't exactly blame her. I invaded her privacy unprovoked and that was on me. Otherwise, I would have never known the contents of that letter. Curiosity staying curiosity was best.

Abeke didn't reciprocate and I needed to accept that. 

For some stupid reason I don't know, I couldn't help but wonder why I was less lovable than Shane. The former Devourer. Reptile King. The who-knows-what now.

I sighed, hugging her back without truly feeling it.

Kay so I just realized like, I forgot (for 12 oneshots mind you) that Spirit Animals uses phrases like "For all of Erdas" and whatever that would sometimes be swears but isn't??? Or motivational phrases??? I could've used them this entire time??

I promise I'm gonna reread the books, truly, I found a podcast on Spotify lol. Life has just been busy. So when I EVENTUALLY get to that, my writing will hopefully be a bit more accurate to the plot and characters. 

Wish me luckkk