A mother's love

Chapter 19

In case he should come to see her after school despite being absent from school Brenda was waiting for him in her classroom with the door to her storeroom open in preparation for his arrival. He entered her classroom and walked by her desk and into her storeroom, acknowledging her with no more than a brief second of eye contact. Brenda followed him hurriedly into the storeroom, she knew enough about him to know that he was distressed.

"What's wrong?" She asked him.

The sound of her voice caused the tremors in his body that he'd felt earlier to return stronger than before. He didn't cry, but the compassion that he felt for his mother that had been building up inside him all day demanded he let it out. He enveloped Brenda in his arms and without a word passing between them Brenda understood that there would come a time when they would talk through whatever had happened but for now he wanted only the comfort of her materiality. She held onto him with the reassuring firmness he was pleading for and reflected on the familiar feeling that had taken hold of her. It was the exact same feeling as when she'd taken him in her arms when he'd broken down in tears in her apartment; a warm, kind feeling that Brenda didn't want to end but which served as a painful reminder of everything she had given up when she had committed them to a relationship as lovers. That afternoon in the storeroom she felt closer to him than she ever did when she was in bed with him. A profound feeling of loss came over her as the reality of the fleeting nature of what she was experiencing pressed itself upon her. Their relationship being what it was she would only get to experience such moments intermittently. Brian hadn't come to her looking for consoling of the sort a mother would give to her son, he'd come for the support of his girlfriend; Brenda had to remind herself of that every time she felt herself getting absorbed by the warmth of the embrace she was sharing with him.

Brian let go of her when he was ready and as soon as he did he told her everything that had happened that morning, and Brenda's reaction was exactly what he had predicted it would be. She stood motionless before him and digested the news with a look of shock and disbelief on her face. At a loss for how to respond to what he'd told her, Brenda reached out and took his hand in hers for a moment, released it and hugged him again, this time without any admonition to herself not to become confused about the nature of their relationship.

"You have to do something Brian, this can't go on," she said to him once she had composed herself and released him.

"She's fine now, she's at home resting."

"And what about the next time this happens? Are you just going to wait for her to put you through this torture again?"

"It's possible there won't be a next time, since she fell she's been very different."

"Haven't you believed she's changed before only to be disappointed by her?"

"No, never, that's why I'm saying that this is different."

"There will be a next time, there always is, don't fool yourself into believing that there won't be."

"I'm not fooling myself; you weren't there, you don't know."

"I know that if you make the mistake of putting too much faith in her you're going to get hurt."

"I am fully prepared for the possibility that this won't last; don't forget that dealing with her is all that I've been doing my whole life."

"Isn't that enough? Haven't you given enough of yourself to her that you've earned the right to stop?"

"No, not when she's my mother."