A mother's love

Chapter 41

Brenda didn't know if she had the perseverance to apply herself everyday to the task of getting Kyle to follow a twelve hour routine of which every minute was booked:

08:00 – 08:15 – Wake up

08:15 – 08:30 – Toilet, Wash

08:30 – 09:00 – Breakfast

09:00 – 10:00 – Picture play

10:00 – 12:00 – Playroom

12:00 – 12:30 – Snack

12:30 – 13:30 – Picture play

13:30 – 14:30 – Lunch

14:30 – 16:30 – Nap

16:30 – 17:00 – Snack

17:00 – 18:00 – Bath

18:00 – 19:00 – Dinner

19:00 – 20:00 – Videos

20:00 – Sleep

She hadn't fully accepted the truth about Kyle's autism. There were times when she sat with him on her lap and looked into his eyes in search of the child he was supposed to be that a part of her was desperate enough to believe was inside him somewhere. She tortured herself with these thoughts, with her denials that she couldn't bring herself to disabuse herself of because it was incomprehensible to her that she could be the victim of so much unfairness having struggled for so long to fall pregnant only to have the child that she'd thought was a miracle and had treated as such for over two years taken away from her like she was the butt of some sick prank.

Brenda never developed the perseverance to work on the schedule with Kyle with the daily assiduousness that was required for it to take. Her moments of energetic application were fleeting; it was always only a matter of time before her energy was snuffed out by the despair that was produced by the thought of their relationship as mother and son remaining unchanged for the remainder of their time together. She grew increasingly depressed as the delusion that Kyle wasn't completely unreachable to her became harder for her to hold on to. Her physical condition deteriorated in tandem with her mental condition as in addition to being exhausted and not making an effort with her physical appearance she stopped eating regular meals and started growing emaciated. Concerned by the deterioration that he was seeing in her, Dr Patterson suggested during their appointments different methods that Brenda could use to get Kyle to engage with something, like interactive electronic games or a musical instrument, none of which Brenda tried, hopelessness having gotten the better of her.

After six months at home alone with Kyle without any changes, Brenda yielded and agreed to look at a care centre for developmentally challenged children that was a thirty minute drive from their house. Simon went with her, to provide support and to do what he could to convince her to commit to enrolling Kyle there, because from the looks of her Brenda couldn't keep taking care of Kyle on her own for very much longer. They first had a meeting with the centre director, Dr Pierce, in his office to discuss the way things worked at the centre before they were given a tour of the centre's facilities by one of the attendants, a woman named Sheila. Simon was reassured by everything at the centre; the facilities were excellent and the staff were competent. Their visit failed to have the effect on Brenda that Simon was hoping it would. She asked no questions and showed next to no interest in what they were told and shown; she spent the whole time at the centre clutching tightly to Kyle and looking around her with an expression of deep conflict spread across her face. She brought the tour to an end halfway through by telling Simon and Sheila that she'd seen enough and turning around and leaving in a hurry. Simon apologized to Sheila for his wife's abruptness and followed her as she made her way out of the centre.