A mother's love

Chapter 44

Brian and Michaela were spending all of their time together. They spent their afternoons at Michaela's house and just before Taren returned home from work they went to Brian's house where they could be alone for a few more hours until Brenda returned home. Brenda was highly encouraging of their relationship; the joy that she got from seeing Michaela happy was enough to outweigh any feelings she had about not having Brian all to herself anymore. Michaela stayed over at their house more often and Brenda didn't complain about Brian staying up late on school nights or that he and Michaela were having sex; Brian and Michaela tried to muffle themselves but the wall between the two rooms was thin. Brian and Michaela being together allowed Brenda to focus on just being Brian's mother and she experienced greater pleasure from the simple things they did together, like going shopping and eating breakfast together.

Despite the threat of Michaela forgetting the promise that she'd made not to tell Brian about Kyle, Brenda decided that she wasn't going to take pre-emptive action and tell Brian about Kyle herself. She had come too far in the three years since Kyle's death to make him a fixture of her life with Brian; she would trust that Michaela would stay true to her word and that Kyle would remain in the past.

For Michaela's sake, Brenda undertook to smooth things over between her and Taren following their contretemps at the dinner table. She got Taren to accept that Michaela's recording session hadn't gone as well as she'd hoped and that because of that she had been feeling a bit upset. Taren couldn't understand why Michaela hadn't just told her that; she hadn't even told her that she was recording again. Brenda wondered how it was that Taren hadn't figured out yet why Michaela chose not to confide in her about the things that were happening in her life. As long as Michaela thought that finding a man was more important to Taren than she was they were going to have trouble communicating. Brenda was glad that Taren wasn't aware of the full extent to which she was excluded by Michaela; if she was the tension between all of them would be impassable.

With the addition of Michaela as Brian's girlfriend and a regular guest at their house, Brenda started feeling as if she had put down solid roots, which she wanted to share with her mother, with whom she hadn't spoken since leaving New Mexico for Seattle. They hadn't spoken much since Brenda had called her to tell her that she was leaving Simon and Meredith had voiced her disapproval of her daughter's decision. Brenda was hurt by her mother's response, by her obliviousness of everything that she had been going through and how unhappy she had been. Brenda felt confident that enough time had passed since then and that she had done well enough in making a new life for herself that she could have a conversation with her mother without her decision to leave Simon creating any tension between them.

She called her mother at home and the phone just rang. She tried again a few hours later and again the phone just rang. Finding it strange that she was unable to reach her mother at home Brenda contacted one of her friends to find out if there was anything out of the ordinary. She called her friend Janice and was informed that her mother had slipped in the bathroom and taken a quite nasty fall that had landed her in the hospital.

"Why didn't she call me?" Brenda asked.

"That's something you're going to have to ask her yourself," Janice responded.

Brenda intended to do so, in person. She made arrangements to go down to San Diego for a few days so that she could find out from her mother why she would keep something as important as her sustaining a serious injury from her. As she was making her preparations, Brenda debated whether she should take Brian with her. By involving him in this she would be creating an opportunity for them to grow closer but that would most likely lead to complications in his relationship with Michaela. The time had come, Brenda decided, for the drawing of a line that clearly delineated the parameters of their relationship. Her goal had always been to provide a life for him wherein he could live as a normal teenage boy. He now had a girlfriend, and whereas before he was spending his time after school and on weekends taking care of his mother now he was spending that time with Michaela and doing his schoolwork. For the both of their sakes Brenda had to release Brian as her lover. It wasn't going to be easy; Brian's love for her had matured during their time in Seattle to a level that she was sceptical she'd ever find in anyone else. He wasn't happy when she'd told him that under no circumstances was he to allow his relationship with her to cause him to restrain himself when he was with Michaela; he'd gotten himself involved with her but his love for her was nothing compared to his love for Brenda. They'd been through too much together and the effect that they'd had on each other's lives had been too profound for either of them to love anybody as much as they loved each other. After thinking about all of this, Brenda couldn't conceive of making what was likely to be an uncomfortable visit to her mother without him. She was going to need him there with her for company and support, especially if her mother's reasons for not calling her to tell her about the injury that she'd suffered were as dispiriting as Brenda was expecting them to be.

The drive south from Seattle to San Diego was going to take two days. They left at 8 a.m. with the plan of driving until nightfall, spending the night in a motel and completing the journey the next day. At the motel where they stayed when they were done driving for the day Brenda booked a room with two single beds and after taking separate showers they went straight to bed. They arrived in San Diego the following evening. They had arrived in time for them to get settled in their motel room and go for some dinner before they went to the hospital for the 20:00-21:00 visiting hours. The motel that Brenda booked them into was the Sunrise Inn, which was located directly across the road from the hospital where Meredith was recuperating. For dinner they walked down the street to a diner, where they discussed how Brian was going to do all of the schoolwork that he was missing to be with her.

She hadn't asked him outright to accompany her; she had mentioned that she needed to go to San Diego to see her mother who was in hospital and left it to him to decide what he wanted to do. He could have stayed behind, in which case he and Michaela would have had the house all to themselves for a week but Brian's instant response was to say that he was going with her. At first Brenda had demurred and told Brian that he didn't need to accompany her but there was no dissuading him. At such times any thoughts that Brenda had about giving Brian up were easily overpowered by her selfish desire to keep hold of his generous love and support.

Brian made no protest to any of the rules that Brenda set regarding what was expected of him during the week that they were going to be spending in San Diego. With the amount of time that Michaela was spending at their house being alone with Brenda had become a rarity; all Brian wanted to do during the days that they were visiting Brenda's mother was enjoy their time together and not have it spoiled by any unnecessary disagreements. Brian sympathised with what Michaela had gone through and it made him happy to know that he was playing a positive role in aiding her recovery but he didn't love her. He loved Brenda, and he hoped that the week that they were going to be alone was going to be an opportunity for him to show her how much more important to him she was than Michaela and how much he missed the intimacy that they used to share daily.

"Driving all day, sleeping in motels, eating at diners...brings back memories," Brian said while they were having their coffee having finished their dinner.

"It seems like such a long time ago but really it was only a few months ago; so much has changed since then," Brenda responded reflectively.

"I don't know when was the last time I so much as thought about my mother; when we first arrived in Seattle there were times when I wanted to call her to find out if she's okay and to let her know that I'm okay, but since then I've barely thought about her."

"I hope you don't think I'm being very unfair by visiting my mother after telling you that you're not to make contact with your mother?"

"No, I understand the differences."

"Are you happy, now that you're with me?"

"This is my first time being happy."