A mother's love

Chapter 10

Not knowing how to kiss Brenda had been deeply embarrassing for Brian, as was the erection he'd gotten that he'd tried desperately to stop from rising. He had been a clueless boy under the authority of a much older woman; that he could have believed they could have been anything else was further proof of his naivety. The roles they inhabited were, for the foreseeable future, immutable. Brian wasn't equipped with the experience or the knowledge to address the imbalance that existed between them that made what had happened in the storeroom seem sordid which it was most decidedly not; the feelings they had for one another were very real.

Arriving home Brian found his mother crying again. She was sober, which meant the state of depression that she was had been in that day had been horrible. He spent the evening sitting next to his mother and comforting her, after which he made fish cakes and chips for them for dinner. They ate together in silence in the living room; she didn't want to speak, she was too depressed. The state in which he'd found her reminded Brian of the obligation he had to his mother from which he couldn't walk away. He didn't push his mother to bath or to brush her teeth before she went to sleep that night; she'd had a hard enough time that day for him to leave her to go to sleep in peace. He waited until she had been asleep for an hour before he left the house to walk to the convenience store to use the pay phone. He needed to talk with Brenda about what had happened that afternoon in her classroom to get a sense of where they stood with each other. The phone didn't ring for long before she picked up; Brian imagined her sitting next to her phone in anxious anticipation of his call.

"Brian? Is that you?" She asked as soon as she picked up.

When Brenda answered the phone Brian was seized by the same paralyzing panic he had experienced when she'd kissed him.

"It's me," he responded belatedly.

"I've been waiting for your call, there's so much that I want to say to you."

"Me too. I'm sorry I didn't know how to kiss you properly, and I'm sorry about getting..." he trailed off, embarrassed.

"That's all okay; I thought you were very sweet."

"Do you love me? You never said so after I said that I love you."

"Of course I love you; I asked you if you love me because I wanted to make sure I wasn't taking advantage of you."

"You weren't; I want us to be together, I have for a long time."

"We're together now, but you need to remember that nobody will accept our relationship, so we cannot allow anybody to find out about us."

"I understand; I would never do anything to jeopardize this."

"I can't wait to see you again tomorrow."

"Neither can I; do you want me to spend only half an hour in the library and come to your classroom early?"

"No, we need to avoid making any changes to our routine, stay in the library for your usual hour."

"Okay," Brian answered without protest.

"Where are you calling me from?"

"From the pay phone at the convenience store."

"Are you okay? Did anything happen with your mother today?" Brenda asked, thinking, as she had been all day, about the burn scar he'd showed her.

"No, nothing."

"Have you eaten?"

"Yeah, I fried some fish cakes and chips for us."

"Is all of the food that you cook fried stuff?"

"Most of it is; it's easier."

"You need to try and eat more healthy food; it's not good for you to always be eating oily food."

"I'll try."

"Let's talk some more tomorrow, I don't like you being out this late, it's not safe."

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Go straight home; promise me you'll go straight home."

"I promise."

"Okay; Good-bye, I love you."

"I love you too."

Brian wished that Brenda wouldn't worry about him as much as she did; combined with his inexperience it only served to exacerbate the imbalance between them. He wasn't as helpless as she believed he was; having been through as much as he had he felt he deserved to be thought of as more resilient.