Holliewood (Completed)

chapter thirty-six

"So when was the last time you spoke to him?"

I sat in front of her, chewing at my bottom lip. She raised her brow, tilting her head to the side.

"Three days ago," I muttered, continuing to chew at my bottom lip.

"And this is after he told you he'd be returning that same morning?" Zara questioned further.

"Yeah..."

She twisted her lips to the side and observed me. Her watchful eye never got old. I always liked to believe she wasn't judging me, but at this moment that belief had faded.

Anyone would've judged me.

Raymond had been avoiding me and as the days progressed I had only grown more anxious. As if my situation with Day wasn't bad enough already, I had dug another hole and this one was just as deep.

I knew work was eventually going to break his avoidance because we had rehearsals coming up. I just didn't know how I was going to face him.

"So to sum everything up, you're saying you kissed both Day and Raymond and that all of it was purely 'accidental'?" She asked, emphasising the last word and making air quotes with her fingers.

I gave her deep eye contact as if to say I was standing on my word.

"Girl, that is so messy..." she shook her head, sipping her drink, "well, for starters, I knew you and Day were close but I didn't think you'd end up liking him like that. I mean it's believable, but I just didn't expect it."

"Neither did I," I said honestly.

"Then why didn't you just give him a shot? What made the kiss accidental?"

"The fact that I never wanted to entertain the idea of me and him."

"But why? I don't get it."

"I'm not going to explain something you've heard many times before."

"What? That you simply can't date anyone because of the past," she said monotonously and I caught her rolling her eyes.

"Don't say it like that. You know it's still a sensitive topic."

"Hollie, this was your chance. The perfect chance to accept your emotions, give it a try and continue the process of healing. Sometimes it takes being with someone new to fully heal. Being with Q taught me that," she lectured.

"But that creates a form of co-dependency; it's literally placing the burden on someone to 'heal' you."

"It's not placing the burden on that person if they know where you're coming from and they genuinely care for you."

"I don't regret my decision..." I trailed off, trying to sound as firm as possible.

"Well, it's backfiring, because you are clearly bothered by what he has going on with Crystal. So much so that you used Raymond as a crutch."

"What? No, I didn't."

"You know I'm always going to tell it like it is and I will call you out if I have to - that's my responsibility as your best friend. So please listen to me when I say this, you've hurt both those men and I don't think that's cool," she said.

I remained quiet.

"The situation with Day? You've basically rejected him. And then with Raymond? Even worse. You were trying to use him."

"I know, It all sounds bad..."

"Then you need to clean up your mess," she said.