chapter 1

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I always knew there was something more to life, some hidden realm or secret world unknown to us, I can feel it, there has to be if not how do I explain this feeling of emptiness, the feeling that I'm made for something greater, something bigger than I am. My mom thinks there is something wrong with me, of course, she won't say it out but I can see it in her eyes by the way she looks at me especially when she finds me staring into nothing lost in thoughts, I don't blame her I have given her a real scare from talking about glowing men that disappear into the sky, to men that emanates darkness so much that she banned me from ever talking of those things, she said it was all in my imagination and if I stop thinking or talking about it that it would go away, I believed her at first but this feeling of emptiness is like a black hole threatening to suck me into it, Every time I close my eyes I still remembered the glowing men in the sky and in the awful nights I feel a dark presence. It never goes away.

"Hazel...." my mom's voice woke me from my reverie.

"Hazel, why are you staring into space again, what are you seeing this time?"

"Ooh, it's nothing, I'm not seeing anything. I don't see anything anymore, just thinking of some random stuff, totally unrelated" I lied. It's not like I could tell her the truth she'd just dive into a full-blown lecture on how there is no such thing as a glowing man or man in darkness, and end it by banning me from ever speaking of such again. She doesn't understand, no one does and honestly, I'm tired of explaining or hearing the lectures, sometimes even I don't believe myself.

"Random things like?" she asked.

"Well firstly how we're really in need of money, and also wondering how'd it feel like to have a father and live in a full house with grandparents and siblings and other relatives".  I lied again.     Well, it's not totally untrue, sometimes I do wonder how things would be if my dad hadn't left us if I had a sibling or even if I had grandparents, anybody else to rely on other than my mom, maybe they'd understand me or help me understand myself and find a meaning to my life and things I've seen, but that's not really what I was thinking about today.

"You know I would give you anything in the world within my grasp, I know things are hard but it'd get better or at least it'd get easier, just stop worrying yourself. If you need anything just come to me" She paused as though she was thinking about something, and after a few minutes she added,  " As for your dad, is not something I can control I really wish I could, I can only imagine how you feel right now"....." All I can do is to fill in the space as much as I can and as for a sibling I can remarry and give birth to one, maybe a boy if that's what you truly want", she said smiling ear to ear. I know she just added that last line to lighten the situation but it feels really weird to think of having a stepdad though the idea of a younger brother sounds rather catching.

" Hehe, aren't you a little too old to have kids err?" I said returning her smile.

" Some women can still have kids in their 40's, I could get lucky" she winked at me.

" Is this your way of telling me you have a suitor?" I said teasing her. I don't even think my mom had time to entertain men, she's always working her butt off to make ends meet for me, I love her Soo much this woman.

"God, no" she laughed

"Why were you searching for me ?" I asked her seeing as she had forgotten to mention why she called me.

"Oh my dear, I forgot. I just wanted you to help me pick up some spices to prepare soup, I also wanted to bake bread for tomorrow morning but I'm out of flour. Could you go get some for me ?"

" Sure thing Mom"

"Please hurry, it's almost late and it's not nice for a lady to be out at night". She added.

"I'll be on my way then," I said  and left the house

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