Deviant Ardor

[11 : Broken Pieces Shine]

I stopped at the foot of my bed.

I could feel my legs getting weak, trembling beneath me and threatening to give out.

Elias came up behind me, placing his hands gently on my hips. "Tell me what to do."

I take a deep breath, and I rest my hands over Elias's, my fingers curling around his, clutching over them tighter than I'd meant. "I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"I'm nervous, and I can't stop shaking."

He turned me around slowly, bringing my hand to his face so that I could feel his smile in the low light of the room. "It's okay. You're okay." He touched my cheek, and I leaned into his palm without thinking. His skin was warm, though mine was warmer – and getting hotter still. I almost couldn't breathe, almost suffocating. But the sound of his voice brings me back, tempering, at least, the heat of my anxiety. "Want me to lead?"

"Please."

"Alright."

Leaned into me, Elias let his brow rest against mine, grounding me. Feeling that sense of stability, I began to calm and relax. Once my shaking had stopped, I felt his head dip, and he kissed me. And as I felt his lips take mine, I sucked in a small, quick breath through my nose – and it gave him pause. I could feel his hesitation, even with his lips still on mine. Slightly parted, I felt him take a breath, moving the air between our mouths. He was waiting for me to say something or make a move, no matter how small.

So I moved.

Even with my hands shaking again, I reached for his shirt at his sides, taking a hold of the tucked fabric and pulled him closer to me, reassuring that I was okay.

Confident now in his making the next move, he let his hands start to explore me, with the tip of his fingers seeking out the hem of my oversized shirt and slipping underneath. My body stiffened at his initial touch, and Elias hesitated again.

"Stop?"

I felt a little lightheaded, and anxious, and it caused my thoughts to delay. I had to take a moment to gather my senses before I could even shake my head in response. "No. I just– Have you ever... I mean... I'm not–"

"I swear, if you tell me you're not like other girls, we're going to stop right here and have a long talk."

Despite my anxiety, I laughed.

Elias used my moment of natural ease to catch me in another kiss, drinking in my timid laughter brought about by his easy charm. "Don't overthink it." His lips moved against mine as he whispered his reassurance. Then his hand reached for mine, still on his side, and he moved my palm to lay upon his chest. It astounded me that he was so calm, and it wasn't just an act. That the beating in his chest was steady and controlled, like a metronome. "Stop worrying about me, and focus on you. I won't be scared away."

It was just what I needed to hear.

Going for my shirt again, Elias pulled it up and over my head in one quick motion before tossing it to the floor. Then he took my hands again, both of mine in his, as he guided me into doing the same for him.

With his chest bare, I let my hands traverse his skin, tracing the lines of definition, feeling where some were less deeply set than others, then dancing on along the lines of a few, slightly raised, scars. Every inch of him presented me with a story I wanted to learn, even something as simple as his practiced, easy breaths. I continued on with my exploration of his body, down from his chest and on to his stomach, while both hesitating and threatening to explore lower still. I wanted to. And I could sense it, as his breaths began to quicken, that he wanted me to continue, too.