dear hazel, | lewis hamilton

Dear Hazel,

23rd of December, 2021

Dear Hazel,

I have so much on my mind. So much to say. So much to tell you.

I never realized the intensity of my love for you until we got separated. And oh, you have no idea how much I want to glue us back together.

But it's like all the glue in the world dried out, crushing my hopes of that ever happening.

I never knew what the word love meant until you showed it to me. You took my heart and grew gardens of love, watering it and taking care of it, watching it bloom into a forest of love.

Our love.

Now that you've left, that garden has wilted. The leaves that were once vibrant and green turning yellow and crippled. The dead remains being the only thing that's still channeling my love for you.

Everyday that passes without you by my side is another day with no purpose to live in.

The memories you and I had, the experiences we passed through, the fights we fought, the kisses we had. It all occupies my mind, being the only thing I could think of.

I keep telling myself the universe is evil for talking you from me. But then again, I only have myself to blame.

If only I could rewind back time, I'd do it all differently. Then maybe, just maybe I'd still have you by my side today.

The regret gnaws at me from the moment I open my eyes, it sinks into the pit of stomach, clinging onto it with its claws. The feeling is suffocating, unbearable. But I endure it because I know I deserve it.

If you were here, you'd tell me off, saying how bad it was for me, how I shouldn't take everything to heart. Those words mean nothing to me without hearing them come from your voice. Your angelic, beautiful voice.

I don't know how I'm ever going to move on, that's if I ever do.

You occupy my dreams, tricking me when I wake up with a smile on my face- only to remember it was all a hoax. A mere figment of my imagination.

To yearn someone so much with so much fierceness, knowing you can't have them, it crushes you.

You're the drug I needed to keep my heart beating. And I don't know how it's still beating with you gone.

I hate the way I ended things, my last memories of you leaving a bitter taste.

Would you forgive me if I said I didn't mean it?

Would you come back?

Would this all be some sick joke that we could end up laughing about in the future?

I miss every fibre of your existence.

The sound of your laugh, or how your dimples would shine through when you smiled at whatever bad joke I said, or how the curls of your hair were always perfect, even when you've just woken up.

I miss your hugs and the feeling of your lips on mine. I miss waking up everyday, feeling your breath on my skin.

I miss hearing you call my name, never failing to come up with those stupid nicknames of yours.

Something I'd never let anyone use. Except for you.

I miss you so much it physically hurts.

Do you miss me too? I hope you do.

Love is a rollercoaster of emotions. It brings so much joy, yet it can also bring so much anguish. And in the midst of it all, there's a beauty that makes your heart ache.

I can't love you any more.

Until we meet again,

Love,
Lewis