dear hazel, | lewis hamilton

19

7th of December, 2022

Dear Hazel,

It didn't get any better for me when it was time for your funeral.

Obviously, the news came as a shock. To everyone. Even me, despite going through the gruesome process of witnessing it firsthand.

Poor coco passed away of heart complications a few days after your death- when I said you two were conjoined to the soul, I didn't think you would be that connected.

The days following your death went by like a blur to me. I don't even remember the flight back home- all I can remember was my never ending tears and drowning myself in alcohol.

the drive to the lakefront, where the funeral was going to be held, was silent. similar to everything else in his life after that god awful night.

no matter how hard he tried to erase that night from his memory, it didn't. it haunted him in his dreams, in his nightmares, even in his day to day life.

he couldn't escape it, as if it was some sort of curse casted to him, trapping him from ever being free of it.

despite it not even a week passing ever since her death, lewis managed to find himself dropping into a spiral he doubted he could ever get out of. it had gotten so bad that his own father had to take care of him, due to him neglecting his own needs. the only thing he cared about was him and his bottle to drown away his sorrows.

"you better put that bottle away, we're almost there," anthony's stern voice snapped lewis out of his thoughts, which happened to be the only place he lived in lately.

in response, he took another swig of the bottle of whiskey, cherishing the feeling of the liquid burn his throat.

"lewis," anthony warned him once again. he's been patient with him ever since the accident, understanding all too well the pain of losing a loved one.

"what?" lewis snapped, his emotions getting the best of him, once again.

"i understand this is very difficult for you-" he was interrupted by a mocking chuckle coming from lewis at the word difficult, which was a mere understatement. nevertheless, he continued, "but you need to control yourself a bit. if not for yourself, at least to make her proud of you."

for a moment, lewis seemed to take his father's words into consideration. and for a moment, anthony thought he'd finally gotten through to him. that was until he took another swig, as if he heard nothing.

"it doesn't matter what i do or don't. she probably hates me now and will never forgive me for what i did to her." he retorted, staring emotionlessly at nothing.

the older hamilton's heart ached for his grieving son, seeing how he took the full blame for how things ended. he couldn't see that it was unavoidable, that it was out of his hands and not his fault. it was merely a case of wrong timing.

"i guarantee you that's not true." anthony assured him, reaching out to hold his hand in support, and surprisingly, he didn't pull away.

"what makes you so sure?" lewis looked at his father, showcasing his tearful eyes for a split second. unfortunately for him, his question was something anthony couldn't answer. "whatever, it doesn't matter anymore. she's gone and there's nothing i could do about it."

silence engulfed the rest of the ride before they arrived, multiple cars were already parked, intensifying the nausea that took over lewis.

he was showered with condolences from everyone that surrounded him. he hated it. he hated the sorrowful eyes that looked down on him with pity. he hated their words of condolences as it only made his pain real. it was a verification to the fact that she was actually gone, that he wouldn't ever have her back, despite how hard his mind tried to trick him into thinking it wasn't true.