Originally I was going to put all my written fics in ABC but I don't want to do that anymore. Instead, I will be uploading my longer fics first and THEN the short ones. :-)
Requested by an anon: Hey! Your fics are absolutely my faves out there, I love them! I was wondering if you could write an angsty one with a one sided relationship, you know, where one loves the other one but he doesn't feel the same. Write it only if you like the prompt and you're comfortable with it, I don't want to force you. (ps: sorry if there's any mistake but I'm Italian and English isn't my mother tongue haha)
Note: I know it ends kind of rushed but I didn't want to focus on where Caspar and Joe are now...I wanted to focus more on how Caspar felt. And I'm sorry Joe seems so mean :(
Title: I Don't Love You Anymore
Word count: 2,953
xxx
Being in a one sided relationship is not only the worst experience of your life but it causes you great pain. I honestly never thought I'd be the one to go through this but I did. Now, you might be wondering, who the hell am I right? Well, boys and girls, I am Caspar Lee and this is how Joe Sugg fell in and out of love with me.
As a YouTuber, you have to keep things private or okay, try to at least. Most things get leaked some way or another and I still don't know how half my viewers got ahold of baby pictures of me?! But I'm getting off the topic. Most YouTubers keep their relationship private just because they want to live drama free and it's probably the best way to go. Unless you're Zalfie, Janya, or Narcus. I'm probably leaving out many couples but bare with me, these are my closest friends. Other people, unfortunately, hide their sexuality due to many reasons. Some may be afraid of what their audience will react or others are just in the closet and some day will be ready to admit who they really are.
I've always dated girls because it's the way I was raised and being gay wasn't the most popular thing in my hometown. I had gay friends like Troye Sivan who ended up being one of my closest friends yet.
However, when I met Joe Sugg...everything changed.
Not only did I start looking at him more, I wanted to be near him all the time. When we decided to move in together, instead of being happy that I was going to be with one of my favorite mates, I was excited because that meant seeing him all the time. That's not normal, is it? I doubt it.
The problem with me having a crush on Joe (yes, I finally came into terms to what it was...not just my MCM) was the fact that he was incredibly straight. He talked about girls so much that I started to dislike girls myself. Don't get me wrong, some girls, like Gigi Hadid are still one of the many girls I'll ever want to kiss. But the rest of the population just made me want to kiss boys. Plus, I was curious as to what it felt like. I didn't talk to anyone about this because, well, how was I supposed to come out and say it? "I fancy boys...I think. Mostly Joe."? Yeah...no.
My crush started off as something really small but as months passed by I knew I had fallen in love. I loved everything about Joe. I loved his personality, his smile, his smirk, his laugh, his annoying habits, his stupid pranks, his non-daily-vlogging videos, his cooking and most of all, him. Of course, he knew nothing of my feelings. It would weird him out and we'd stop talking.
Confused by my sexuality completely, I decided to one day talk to Tyler Oakley. Mostly everyone comes out to him and I figured he could help me. Maybe snap out of my "lust" for Joe. Maybe it wasn't even love, maybe just infatuation.
Too bad that wasn't the case.
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"Caspar, I don't know how to tell you this but I think you're truly in love with Joe." he told me via Skype.
